“You rambling bastard!”

August 7, 2006

*The following is a verbatim account of the author’s inner dialogue when confronted by a rambling co-worker

“…………………………………………………………”

You rambling bastard; if you have a point get to it, if you don’t, go back to your desk until you have divined it from the scattered remains of Dilbert Calendars and old bag lunches.

“………………………………._________–“

I’m sorry, is there some sort of mood you have to first establish before you mention any relevant details? I don’t need to know your state of mind before you got the call.

“…………………………..___________………………………………………………………….”

How dare you preface this aimless saunter through the rhetorical countryside with “Basically”. Is there some elaborately staged re-enactment, in period costume, that you are skipping for the sake of concision?

“………………..——-………………….”

Don’t you fucking start re-iterating. You haven’t said a goddamn thing yet, there is no justification for saying it twice. If you circle the runway one more time I am shooting you down, regardless of the colors you’re flying.

“………._—— >>>>>>>>>>>>>——-………..”

You goddamn word whore, now you’re throwing in stuff that couldn’t possibly be relevant to the issue at hand. I bet you don’t even speak English; you’ve just phonetically memorized a bunch of phrases that you shotgun out until you achieve some sort of collateral context.

“,,……………………,,—————–…………….”

Not only do I not understand your point, I now understand everything else less. At least twenty percent of the conversations I’ve had in my life have become meaningless to me. I’m not even sure if I’m thinking in words right now or just screaming in the inchoate rage that has become my only means of articulation.

 

 

A.J. Valliant

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