They should not let me train people

September 17, 2006

Man, they should not let me train people.

In the two days I have had the new kids[1] I/We have done the following

  • Labelled a network technician a “Plum juggling Dutchman”, and invented an elaborate back story for him.
  • Gone on two separate field trips. One to have a spitting contest at a construction site, and one to lean on some guy that wouldn’t stop honking his horn outside our building.
  • Explained, with flow charts, my theories in regards to the massive incompetence and corruption in our upper management.
  • Watched me shave at my desk, even showing them my “get really hot water from the coffee machine first” secret.
  • Taught them how to make a nest bed for overnight sleeping.
  • Engaged in three elevator races
  • Conditioned them to spit in disgust when anyone says the name of the scheduling guy
  • Taught them how to throw knees from the clinch and where the knockout sweet spot on the chin is.
  • Had them help me turn the supply cabinet around backwards, in retribution for a rival group hiding the key.
  • With exception of specific technical questions, banned all office/work related talk or stories.
  • had a poetry writing workshop
  • let them watch a bunch of Jay’s movies, yet forced them to recite a short prayer in thankfulness to Jay before each one.

I have to write a report grading their performance later today, needless to say it will be glowing.

[1]The girl is 20, the guy 21.


3 Responses to “They should not let me train people”

  1. Mike Says:

    “let them watch a bunch of Jay’s movies, yet forced them to recite a short prayer in thankfulness to Jay before each one.”

    How does the prayer go?

  2. “How does the prayer go? ”

    Bountiful Jay, thanks for stealing all these movies, you’re a hell of a guy, Amen.

  3. i feel honoured that this goes on in my building.

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