Letter Day: Triumvirate

September 18, 2006

  

 As a young boy I dreamt that everyday could be Letter day; my father called me a fool and said such a thing could never be. Today, today is letter day, and I am redeemed. A little.  Let’s get down to business.

  

Letter 1 

Dear Doctor, When I do yoga, I fart alot but my farts don`t smell, what`s up with that?

Danger Mouse

Again I have to stress that I am not a medical Doctor, that said I think I can help you out here. That “fart”, is not a gastrointestinal by-product: your body is actually expelling the excess amounts of trendy self righteousness, and hippie sanctimony, that is generated while practicing yoga. Though irritating there no real damage caused.  You are fortunate that it was not a Kundalini yoga session, where the pretentious faux spiritual vapours can reach sufficient concentration to permanently damage ones ability to engage in critical thinking.

Letter 2

 Hi,I have a question for Dr. Entropic:How did you get involved with these jerks? You seem so much nicer and friendlier.   

 I stumbled onto the site very early in it’s conception and started corresponding with Valliant. We had close enough senses of humour, and such erriely similar writing styles, that he suggested I come aboard as a intern/very junior partner. While A.J. is a megalomaniac, and Engtech’s a prick, the rest are actually a good deal more pleasant that I am. The one time I met them all in person they were fairly cool, so I can only assume distance and the medium has a bit of a jerkifying affect.

Also, I’m curious to know what AJ Valliant thinks of the phenomenon which is blogs Addicted reader, Esmeralda Sconeflinger(I will let AJ handle this one)  I see it, artistically speaking, as somewhere between writing on bathroom stalls and mumbling to your self on the bus. A profoundly self indulgent medium for literary exhibitionists, banal megalomaniacs, and drama queens to spew their every thought into.  Blogging is also decently meritocratic: your end position is determined largely by your ability to intellectually engage, or shamelessly pander, to an equal access pool of readers.  At this point I am intrigued by the potential, and somewhat let down the realization. While there are some interesting one sided representations, I would love to see more interaction and social germination. We have a reasonably unfettered means of focused dialogue and creative expression, that allows for of serial heuristic exploration, and it’s mostly used to whine about ones day and disseminate Thundercats fan fic.  Hell we are pretty smart here and we spend half our time making cartoon poop jokes and posting You Tube videos. So check back with me in a year or so and I’ll let you know if my opinion has changed.

AJ Valliant.

   Letter 3

Fuck you guys make me laugh

Tony s.

I’m trying to figure out the tone and intention of that letter.

Was it:

– Fuck, you guys make me laugh! : an emphatic positive.

– Fuck you, guys make me laugh! : asserting that guys indeed do make him laugh, and chiding our perceived disapproval.

-Fuck you guys, make me laugh!: a hostile derogatory remark followed by a demand for entertainment. (You will catch more flies with honey Tony s.)

Just to cover our bases:

-Thanks.

– Sorry Tony, I’m glad you have found happiness.

– No deal!

Letter 4

I am Master Basil Yahi, My father was poisoned to death by

his business associates in one of their outings on a business trip.

My mother died just last year. i want to transfer Eighteen Million,Five

Hundred Thousand USdollars(US$18,500,000)left in a fixed/ suspense

account in one of the prime banks here in Abidjan by my late father.

I am honourably seeking your assistance in the following ways:

1) To serve as a guardian.

2) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to further my education assisting me and 5% for expenses.

BASIL YAHI  <basil_yahi@virgilio.it> 

That is a hell of a run of bad luck you have going there Basil. My father too was poisoned by business associates, and mother killed in circumstances to bland to mention, so I can well understand the pain you must be going through. Also I am greatly heartened that you would turn to Beats Entropy in such a difficult time, in addition to trusting us with such a huge sum of money.

 I have to say though this is a little outside the mandate of Letter Day; while we endeavour to connect with our readers, assuming legal guardianship over them is a bit of a slippery slope. Our lawyers actually asked that I not even print this, and management informed me to cut off all contact with you. Fuck that! I’m running the letter page today, we are going to do things my way, the Entropic way. Call your banker and pack your bags kid; you are coming to live and learn with Uncle Dr.

——————————————————————————————

  The letter bag is empty, and I have to make preparations for a house guest, so I will bring this puppy to a close. It felt good to do my rightful duites. Keep those those letters coming folks, we care, we really do.

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3 Responses to “Letter Day: Triumvirate”

  1. David Kehoe Says:

    I’m sure thousands of years of Yogis are stinging from your critque.
    Maybe you should try it before you bash it.


  2. You did a pretty good job Doc, I might have to let you out of your pen more often.

  3. Master Basil Yahi Says:

    Dr. Father,
    I am at the airport please arive to take me home.


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