A story of bagels. (Based on this morning tragic events)

September 19, 2006


I awoke late this morning and was unable to finish my breakfast at home. As I am not a wasteful sort, I carried my plate of peanut buttered bagels and a glass of milk with me to work. The rain diluted my milk, and moistened my bagel, so I was displeased to start with, when some surly old man pushed past me, then had the audacity to glare at me as if I was the rude one. My bagel half flew true and struck him square between the shoulder blades. Feeling somewhat cheered I continued on to work.

  In the security lobby the desk officer called me over. The exchange went as such:

Sgt Tubby: Hey, did you bring that food from home?

AJ: They don’t sell rain soaked bagels in the cafeteria do they?

Sgt Tubby: I can’t let you bring that up there.

AJ: I’m sorry, did I accidentally go to the movies instead of work again.

Sgt. Tubby: Some old guy reported getting hit with a bagel in the parking lot.

AJ: Why are you asking me? I have my bagel, I’d say I’m the least likely person. You should be looking for someone who doesn’t have a bagel since they tossed theirs away.

Sgt. Tubby: Yeah that makes sense, go on up.


I am a goddamn arch criminal.


4 Responses to “A story of bagels. (Based on this morning tragic events)”

  1. Red Irish Lord Says:

    You should have killed him and saved those delicious bagels for me.

  2. David Kehoe Says:

    I don’t see how those events were tragic at all.

  3. “I don’t see how those events were tragic at all.”

    Did you miss the part where I wasted a tasty bagel?

  4. thekenji Says:

    “…the part where I wasted a tasty bagel?”

    You are a cruel, heartless man. That bagel wanted to be eaten by you but instead you capped it in the… toroidal side.

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