Powers – Another perspective

September 19, 2006

I read AJ’s post about superpowers (or the lack thereof) and I felt a ball (non-talking) well up in my throat. Oh if he only knew of his power to pull at my heart strings!

In any case, I feel his pain. He may in fact be slightly above me in the ladder- While he was busy terrorizing elderly garbage-carrying women and hapless parking meters, I was sitting at home wishing I could be at the top of the mortal food chain, let alone the immortal one. Why wasn’t I the fearless leader? Where was my commanding presence? Why wasn’t I invited to Laura’s houseparty last week?

It took me a long time to realize the nature of fame and glory. Like RuPaul said, “You better work!”. I couldn’t suddenly become the toughest kid in town overnight. I had to work my way up slowly. I had to first aim for…. “medium tough guy”.
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Ok, I realize this is a poster of vampires but let’s just see them as actors for a second and it’ll reveal a classic example of medium tough guy: I would never think that I could ever equal Kiefer. No, it’s the guy in the background to his left that I should aim to be. I’m not the heartthrob or the one who dies to a beautiful soundtrack by the Sisters of Mercy, I’m the one who stands in the back and lets enemies know that I WILL shank you from behind while you’re fighting my leader.

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Even the Indians knew it. Have no gun? No knife? No shining karate-chop move? No two dogs at your side while sort of looking like Dan Aykroyd? Wait!! There is still hope. You can be the guy who points out the person who ratted on the team and be smug about it.

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Imagine all the women (and men) I’d get if I had hair like that!! (After Joey Tempest was done with them, of course).

It has been a heady decade since I had the “medium tough guy” realization. It opened so many doors for me. I feel, after all this work, I am finally ready to be medium tough.

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6 Responses to “Powers – Another perspective”


  1. To quote myself from a previous conversation [1]

    “I mean you won’t be driving the T-Bird Keni, but you won’t be won’t be the one holding jackets during the rumble either.”

    [1] How’s that for meglomanical.

  2. thekenji Says:

    You don’t know how much that means to me.

  3. David Kehoe Says:

    “No, it’s the guy in the background to his left that I should aim to be’

    At least you’re not a Corey.

  4. Dr. Entropic Says:

    Re MTG: I know your pain more than you will ever know…unless you read this…in which case you would have pretty decent idead where i’m coming from.

  5. Tony s. Says:

    Why is Jack Bauer dressup like the front man of a Dutch Emo band?


  6. Tony, my dear stupid Tony, allow me to introduce you to a good friend of mine: The 80s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVnSGXvYK20


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