Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made

October 6, 2006

8. Microsoft does not own a substantial amount of Apple stock. As a result, the metaphor I employed in which I described using a Mac as having sexual intercourse with Steve Jobs and Bill Gates was factually deficient. I have since amended my position to liken using a Mac to having sexual intercourse with Steve Jobs, while dirty Billy mostly watches, but occasionally gives a little poke here and there.

7. Stewartship is not the same as stewardship. In fact, it is not a real word. As a result the nice people in the Government now suspect York University may not be the temple of higher learning they formally believed it was.

6. As it turns out, and contrary to much advertising, this product:

is not part of healthy balanced breakfast.


5. The phrase “well fuck me!” should not be taken literally, ever.

4. Passing gas is not necessarily orderly or predictable. One cannot assume, simply because one has been passing gas silently for an extended period of time, that the next instance will not be thunderous. This is especially important when in meetings.

3. Silence, apparently, cannot be conflated with consent. This is especially true if (hypothetically) one wanted to borrow a colleague’s coffee and show another colleage the cool way earwax floats in warm liquids.

2. Even if the person sitting in front of you is having a very loud and irritating conversation about the pros and cons of tanning on her oh-so-trendy cell phone, grabbing someone by the hair and slamming their head into the window is apparently not considered good ‘bus ettiquette.’

1. Many people who work at the Treasury Board Secretariat are not interested in a photography show called: Rock Out with Your Cock Out – Feminity and the Phallus. Also, most them do not find ‘playful slapping’ with a 8 inch rubber phallus “appropriate.”

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5 Responses to “Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made”


  1. Chocolate chip panacke and sausage on stick?

    That sounds like some sort of pedophile seduction move.

  2. rex Says:

    2. Even if the person sitting in front of you is having a very loud and irritating conversation about the pros and cons of tanning on her oh-so-trendy cell phone, grabbing someone by the hair and slamming their head into the window is apparently not considered good ‘bus ettiquette.’

    well shit, nobody told me that before.

  3. amontillado Says:

    When John Cheebers said “well fuck me” I think he meant it.

  4. Jive Says:

    I notice that leaving your socks on the couch is not on your list… I will have to see about enhancing the consequences of said mistake so it rates at least as highly as farting in a government office… I mean with so many old farts in government I’m amazed anyone even noticed.


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