Letter Day 7: Beats working for a living

October 23, 2006

Lets make each other a promise, that this year… this year will be the best Letter Day ever! Dr. Entropic is battling illiteracy today, so I will be handling the answering duties. Lets get it ON!

Hey, isn’t it irresponsible to have a live Sasquatch working in the mail room?

I mean couldn’t he just start attacking people?

Mungrove Charmander

It’s not like we let him use the photocopier. Besides, given the amount of mail he has to carry, the low temperature of the mail room, and the size of the timberwolves on the third floor, it would be irresponsible to NOT have a Sasquatch working there.

Anyone could just start attacking people. You can’t base your personal decisions on what people MIGHT do. The question is HAS he attacked people? The answer is “yes”, but not that many (and nobody who avoided direct eye contact so as not to shame him).

Uh, There’s like… 40 goats up on my roof and I don’t know what to do about it.

I just put one up there to test things out a little, and then bought this trunk full of goats for cheap, and before I knew there was like 40 of them up there. They are getting really hungry and starting to lure children into the pigeon coop. What should I do about this?

Denny Kertoof

Jesus Denny, that is at least twenty goats too many. You have reached what I like to call “Evil goat child killing critical mass”, and that is not a good place to be. Unfortunately the only real choice you have is to collapse the building from under the goats, forcing them to prey upon themselves. If you aren’t in a position to collapse the building I suggest convincing the goats to form a wildly successful rock band, hoping that once they hit it big the inevitable spiral into booze and pill addiction will do your dirty work for you.

I’m a murderer and everybody hates me. This used to make me sad until I found this site and realized that everyone must hate you guys too, yet you are still funny and occasionaly[sic] deep. If you guys were murders two[sic] it would be perfect, but that’s not how the world works. Thanks.

Cudlow Morningwig,
Shugville, Ga

That’s some fairly cagey analysis, Cudlow. We here at Beats Entropy are pretty roundly hated. In my experience everyone with a half decent internet presence is deeply despised in real life. Myself, I got caught stealing from my friends a half-dozen times, and driven out of the social group. Sure it hurt at the time, but now I have a not wholly unsuccessful website, and all sorts of cool stuff it would take lifetime to acquire via my own merits. I have seven diaries and three journals Cudlow; you can’t buy that sort of thing in a store.

Hey Beats Entropy!

Your Comic[sic] is Awesome[sic] but I wish it were more than once a week.

I make comics too, what do you think.[sic]

cake.JPG

Obviously Troubled

You are a gifted artist OT, swing by 408 Albert sometime and we can have fine meal of fresh liquorice and meat paste.

Doctor Entropy Sucks!

Can I be your intern instead?

Shunt Uptwards[sic]

While Doctor Entropy does suck, he isn’t so much an “intern” as he is an “indentured contributor”, so his job is somewhat guaranteed. If you are really desperate to help though, Shunt, I’ll see what I can do to throw a little responsibility your way.

As I understand Kenji needs someone to do a little life modeling for the next “Passive Depressive” strip. It’s about a bad boy shirtless yard worker who tries to get out his duties by providing scandalous back rubs. If you have strong hands, no shirt, and the air of a sultry iconoclast willing to do anything to stick it the man (or to stick it to men), then you might be able to help out.

I just can’t get out of bed today AJ and/or Dr. Entropic / To Whom It May Concern. I think I’m going to have some quaaludes and gin and watch old Rosie O’Donnell tapes again today. I don’t care what they say about her being butch, I think she’s beautiful and I love her.

Sinter Klaus,
N.Pole, Arctic Circle

What the hell! Quaaludes has two A’s. Man, I have been misspelling that for at least ten years. What is that some sort of Arabic word or something?

Quaalude.

Quaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalude.

Sounds like I’m trying to summon a genie from it’s slumber, and that is nothing but trouble… you better steer clear of that business Klaus.
—————————————————————————–

Top notch letters, nice job people. There is some good stuff coming down the pipe this week: new comic, “The Streets of Old Laredo Part 3”  and a little something I like to call “Ten Things That Creeped the Hell Out of Me, AJ Valliant, as Young Man.”

Plus there will be many other delights for your eyes, mind, and spirit. Stay tuned.

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11 Responses to “Letter Day 7: Beats working for a living”

  1. Sergey Says:

    I love the sculpture pic … where’s you get it?

  2. Sergey Says:

    Errr … that’ll be “where’d you get it?”

  3. seekr Says:

    LOL @ “put the cake in my bottom”…

    reminds me of some sweet nothings AAron whispered during Eurotrip ;)


  4. That my friend is a sculpture of Britney Spears in her birth pose, comissioned by Britney and her loving douche bag of husband.

    I can only assume the sculpture destoyed his chisels, and discarded them along with the few remaining shards of his artistic legitimacy, upon completion of the assignment.

  5. jaybird Says:

    That my friend is a sculpture of Britney Spears in her birth pose, comissioned by Britney and her loving douche bag of husband.

    It wasn’t comissioned.

    “Britney provides inspiration for those struggling with the ‘right choice’,” said artist Daniel Edwards, recipient of a 2005 Bartlebooth award from London’s The Art Newspaper. “She was number one with Google last year, with good reason — people are inspired by the beauty of a pregnant woman,” said Edwards.

    Capla Kesting denies the statue was developed from a rumored bootleg Britney Spears birth video. The artist admits to using references that include the wax figure of a pole-dancing Britney at Las Vegas’ Madame Tussauds and ‘Britney wigs’ characterizing various hairstyles of the pop-princess from a Los Angeles hairstylist. And according to gallery co-director, David Kesting, the artist studied a bearskin rug from Canada “to convey the commemoration of the traditional bearskin rug baby picture.”

    http://www.send2press.com/newswire/2006-03-0322-003.shtml
    http://www.pugbus.net/artman/publish/20060329_22_spearstoo.shtml


  6. Well I guess that answers the artistic legitmacy question.

  7. Esmerelda Sconeflinger Says:

    That can’t be a birthing pose. You can’t push a baby out like that !

  8. John Gap Says:

    You can insert one though. Well, at least a baby arm….
    perhaps even holding an apple.


  9. “That can’t be a birthing pose. You can’t push a baby out like that ! ”

    I’m sure Kevin Federlines kids would be greasy and weasley enough at birth to manage it.

  10. jaybird Says:

    As to the “that can’t be a birthing pose”

    In her first post to her website today, written eleven hours ago, Mrs. Spears complained: “Just like the false tabloids, Daniel Edwards got it all wrong. I delivered Sean Preston in the hospital, as everybody with a computer knows. I realize there are a lot of people who envy me for how rich and happy I am, so I’m willing to give that guy the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he confused making babies with delivering them.

    “I admit I was in that position when Sean Preston was conceived, because I was too drunk to stand up like Kevin prefers, but we weren’t doing it on a bear rug. I was wearing the rug because we had just gotten back from a costume party.”

  11. NotMike Says:

    You know those stories you wish would have ended one sentence earlier? Yeah, that’s one of them.


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