Yet another set of the Top 8 Mistakes I’ve Recently Made

November 9, 2006

8. The International Joint Commission of Canada does not do exactly what one might guess they do from the name. Consequently, showing up to an interdepartmental meeting with pizza and a copy of Harold and Kumar is not necessarily as strong an idea as it would otherwise be.

7. While technically not illegal, doing lines of powdered sugar off the edge of your desk to get through the mid afternoon may well be misinterpreted, and can lead to reasonable to serious misunderstandings.

6. Not withstanding the fact that factual accuracy is a legal defense against claims of libel and slander, it is considered poor office etiquette to comment on the proficiency (or lack there of) of one’s colleagues.

 

Also, the phrase “useless as tits on a bull in spring” is actually quite difficult to prove in terms of factual accuracy.

 

5. It is not ok to adopt an orphan for money. It is especially frowned on if the orphan’s parents are still alive. Unless you are Madonna.

4. Defending the planet from the onslaught of the walking dead is only ‘ok’ when said walking dead are not young children masquerading as the walking dead in a ritualistic attempt to collect candy. Additionally, ‘I’m sorry’ is typically not enough to appease grieving parents.

3. Just because Neil Patrick Harris has come out, does not necessarily mean he is in your league. Also, according to San Antonio law, standing outside a Hotel naked chanting ‘I need you Doogie’ is classified as a public disturbance.

2. Non-consensual assisted par cour is considered to fall under the broad category of ‘pushing’ and is frowned on, especially when involving senior citizens.

1. Despite the Government’s encouragement of positive and active relationships between employees, many pranks are deemed inappropriate for the office environment. Downloading child pornography onto a colleagues computer and then submitting an anonymous tip to the RCMP qualifies as one such inappropriate prank.

Previously: Top 8 (more) mistakes I’ve recently made

 

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6 Responses to “Yet another set of the Top 8 Mistakes I’ve Recently Made”

  1. Mike Says:

    You have me confused, which I grant you is sometimes easy to do before I’ve had my morning coffee. I believe the phrase is actually “as useless as teets on a bull” since a bull gives no milk having teets serves no purpose. What fool were you trying to explain this to that believed that tits on a bull were useful? Does he engage in some sort of interspecies erotica?

  2. jive Says:

    number 2 is gold

  3. rox Says:

    “teet” isn’t a word! Is it?

  4. rox Says:

    teats, one of my coworkers use to call me as useless as a third tit, but it always just made met think of Total Recall. I mean that a had a use, freakish novelty.

  5. w0rmwood Says:

    well technically i was thinking ‘teat’…

    but i think we can all agree that ‘tits’ on a bull in spring would also be of limited use value.

    =)

    unless you were a zooaphiliac tit-loving masochist with a pension for spring time adventures.

  6. thekenji Says:

    “unless you were a zooaphiliac tit-loving masochist with a pension for spring time adventures.”

    I smell another Passive Depressive idea.


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