Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made: Holiday Edition

December 7, 2006

8. Buying, wrapping and putting away holiday gifts well ahead of time is a great way to reduce stress on the holidays, except when giving pets.

7. Holiday season starts promptly on December 1st. Going grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon in December is therefore NEVER a good idea.

6. No matter how much your loved one might need this, some gifts are better left ungiven.

Besides, the ladies see right through this sham …. err … or so I’ve been told.

5. Listing ‘booze’ on your holiday wish list more than three times is typically interpreted as a cry for help.

4. Slipping LSD to kids before they go to sit on Santa’s lap is only funny until you get caught. On a related note, apparently in ‘prison culture’ giving kids illicit drugs is right up there with pedophilia on the popularity list.

3. Certain unconventional holiday traditions can get one into a bit of hot water at office Christmas parties. Also, as a point of information, a peanut M&M fired from a hunting grade slingshot at a target inside 6 feet is capable of breaking the skin.

2. When severely intoxicated, bubblegum vending machines and condom vending machines look despairingly similar. However, one can really hurt oneself trying to blow a latex bubble.

1. The expression ‘made with love’ does not refer to an actual ingredient. Also, gingerbread with semen in it burns faster.

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8 Responses to “Top 8 mistakes I’ve recently made: Holiday Edition”

  1. jaybird Says:

    Add that to the t-shirt list:

    “I’m OK and You’re an Asshat”
    “See me naked on beatsentropy.com”
    “Free Kamcha[sp]”
    “Made with love”

  2. Gingerbreadman Says:

    I feel so dirty.

  3. thekenji Says:

    Tastes like….. burning

  4. engtech Says:

    Tastes like…. mom used to make.

  5. jaybird Says:

    Tastes like… someone put their dick in the mash potatoes.

  6. Kiko Says:

    Hi
    I found you at 25peeps.com – nice picture you have…
    And I just wanted to congratulate you for this awsome blog!
    Keep posting!

  7. timethief Says:

    I’m howling … OOOWWoooowwww :0 *roflmao*

  8. jaybird Says:

    that 25peeps site is kinda weird.


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