Beats Entropy: Apologies and Retractions

December 15, 2006

We here at Beats Entropy endeavor to provide highly accurate infotainment, edifying artistic content, and thought provoking philosophy on a daily basis. I must stress we “endeavor” to act in the aforementioned fashion; sadly, in reality, we often fall far short of this self-imposed mandate of absolute truth. In our defence this failure is not a function of ill will; rather it’s due to weakness of character, slight stupidity, and finding it very funny when we intentionally lie to our readers. It’s wrong and we’re sorry.

In an effort to redress our occasional faux pas we would like to publish the follow list of retractions and apologies.


Scotland is not actually its own island, and Wales does indeed exist.

It’s seems that Scotland may actually be attached to England via some sort of thin peninsula (most it underwater), and as such they are technically part of one island. Additionally, it turns out there is a roving autonomous pod of Whales that circles the island, and due to an ancient treaty they are consider a sovereign cetacean nation, spiritually connected to Great Britain.

I would like to also personally apologize for pushing a Scottish guy down the stairs because he was wearing a dress. The attack was not racially motivated, I was just also wearing a dress and felt he was trying to upstage me.

Sasquatch are not readily tameable, nor should they work in office environments.

It’s seems my tales of great relations with the mail room Sasquatch have led other businesses, and high school Model U.N. club, to try and emulate our idiosyncratic personnel decision. Predictable there were massive human casualties, and People-Sasquatch relations were sent back forty years (a level of acrimony not seen since the Chumzo Furback- Trotsky fracas of the early forties).

I feel the need to stress this folks: I am exceptionally awesome. By sheer force of will I can do many wildly implausible things that other people cannot. Do not imitate these actions lest a thousand years of darkness and woe fall upon the earth.

Massage Ponies are very creepy in real life.

Don’t avail your self of their services. For legal reason I cannot elaborate.

France has actually won wars.

Just not recently, and only when a Corsican was running the show.

Also they don’t actually worship “Batshula” the dark embodiment of cowardly pretentiousness, they would were he real, but it turns out I just sort of made him up.

In retrospect the “Beats Entropy: swap meet and fight your sister to the death extravaganza” was a ill advised fund raising venture.

Very little money was raised, and the sisters provided surprisingly able combatants.

———————————————————

I can only hope that this heals some the massive harm our website causes on daily basis. We are not good people, per se, but we do try and pretend like we are when we think people are paying attention.

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2 Responses to “Beats Entropy: Apologies and Retractions”

  1. David Kehoe Says:

    “Additionally, it turns out there is a roving autonomous pod of Whales that circles the island, and due to an ancient treaty they are consider a sovereign cetacean nation, spiritually connected to Great Britain.”

    I find this very difficult to belive.


  2. *point upwards disgustedly*

    That sounds like Jealous Porpoise talk, to me.


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