January 25, 2007
Today I have balls so blue the Pacific would weep for their cerulean majesty. The baboon that works in the kitchen stopped by my desk and was like “Nigga, I’ve been a Baboon all my life…and your balls are so blue they’re freaking me out.” And he was right to fear them.
I’m walking like a wounded cowboy, and seriously considering violating the sanctity of the handicap washroom. I fear, however, the pressure has built up to such an extent that the negative suction generated by a sudden release would turn me inside out; leaving my inverted corpse on the soiled tiled floor as proof of shame. Such is my burden.