Damn

January 25, 2007

Today I have balls so blue the Pacific would weep for their cerulean majesty. The baboon that works in the kitchen stopped by my desk and was like “Nigga, I’ve been a Baboon all my life…and your balls are so blue they’re freaking me out.” And he was right to fear them.

I’m walking like a wounded cowboy, and seriously considering violating the sanctity of the handicap washroom. I fear, however, the pressure has built up to such an extent that the negative suction generated by a sudden release would turn me inside out; leaving my inverted corpse on the soiled tiled floor as proof of  shame.  Such is my burden.

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11 Responses to “Damn”


  1. My life is an open book…full of pornographic wildlife pictures and antique carousels.

  2. engtech Says:

    I want to write “me too”, but I’m afraid of what that would imply.

  3. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    It’s like how you can’t cruise past a traffic accident without peering around for dismembered bits, even though you really don’t want to see any such thing…I wan’t to know the details, but then I really really really emphatically do not.

    Mama never told me life would be so complicated.

  4. engtech Says:

    I want to know how many “wrong” pictures he had to surf across before he found the “right” one for this post.

  5. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    He probably had that one saved to his “favourites”


  6. I once did it in the washroom. Go ahead, nobody will know, your chances of being caught on a hidden web cam are lower than mine.


  7. I do wish you would tell us why or I guess this post is so old that it’s obsolete.


  8. I mistimed when I had to start work while hanging out with my girlfriend. Wound having to leave at a inopportune time and paid the price for it.

  9. engtech Says:

    Y’know, you could have just been late for work.

  10. Emile Says:

    This is a hidden, gem?


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