Letter Day: 19, Everybody wants to flood the valley, but nobody gives a damn.

April 2, 2007

I stand before you as a man of uncertain prospects and questionble past; laid low by circumstance and a crippling fear of heights. In one hand I clutch dreams of a better future; in the other I hold the last Letter Day you will ever get…today.

———————————————————————————–

I couldn’t help but notice Beats Entropy seems to have a disproportionate amount of female fans. Your content is fairly gender neutral…maybe a slight skewing toward male given all the belligerent arrogance and superhero stuff Valliant talks about…so what’s the deal? Why you got so many lady fans?

Tommy Vargas

Oxnard, CA

First and last thing you needs to understand Tommy: LLBE- Ladies Love Beats Entropy. Not by choice or casual inclination; it stems from instincts so deeply ingrained it borders on biological imperative. They love us because we listen. They love us because we are indifferent. The love us for the obliqueness of our agenda, and the constance of our charm.

Women mature much earlier than men. Along with this maturation comes the awareness that most boys are inarticulate, needy, spastic chumps. The rare few that can string a few novel words together are usually scared shitless to talk to them, or should they push past that…are generally emasculated in the process of trying ingratiate themselves to the chick. Beats Entropy, anthropomorphically speaking, is this clever funny dude that provides engagement while remaining immune to entanglement. Enjoyable, attentive, absurdly confident….but ultimately unattainable.

————————————————

So you lost your job, eh? I got a job for you, why don’t you go fuck yourself!

David,

Watershed, TX

That’s more of a lifestyle choice than an occupation, David. Still I suppose I could make a few calls…inquire about corporate sponsorship.

————————————————————————

Who wins in a street fight between—– “The Concept of universal fairness” vs “Three wrench wielding Samoans intent of subverting the justice system”. Bonus points will given for style and allegorical poignancy.

Carol of “those lovely Carols”.

Damn Carol, that is just about pick em’… but I suppose you’d want a more detailed breakdown than that. Here is the Tale of the tape.

Concept of Universal Fairness vs Wrench Wielding Samoans
Height
As unknowable as mans true place in the greater scheme Draw 6’3
Weight
Equal to the heaviness in a liars heart Edge fairness 695 lbs
Reach
Subjectively contained Edge Samoa 72′
Special Consideration
Surprisingly dirty fighter Edge Fairness Racial profiling and a judge running for state senate

My best guess: Concept manages a hometown pyrrhic decision in a bloody twelve round fight.

———————————————————————–

Now that it’s summer can we Expect scandalous shitless photo’s of the Beat Entropy crew in their natural environment?

Lisa

Let me get a tan before I consider that request. My zombie Irish pallor is such that monitors could be blown out were the contrast set too high. Maybe I’ll have a contest where the winner get disturbing glamour photos of the Beats Entropy contributor of their choice. I’m thinking one of those creepy boudoir setups, where a half naked dude cavorts with throw pillows and terrified flop eared rabbits.

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25 Responses to “Letter Day: 19, Everybody wants to flood the valley, but nobody gives a damn.”

  1. Esmerelda Sconeflinger Says:

    No shit Beats Entropy photos ? That would be scandalous indeed.

  2. max Says:

    “They love us because we listen. They love us because we are indifferent. The love us for the obliqueness of our agenda, and the constance of our charm.”

    You forgot EngTech’s cat. It is just hard to resist that cat you know.

  3. damewiggy Says:

    “So you lost your job, eh? I got a job for you, why don’t you go fuck yourself!

    David,

    Watershed, TX”

    AAaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaa!!

  4. Saul Says:

    “Everybody wants to flood the valley, but nobody gives a damn.”

    Is that a quote from somewhere or something you made up?
    What is it supposed to mean?


  5. “Enjoyable, attentive, absurdly confident….but ultimately unattainable.”

    I believe everything is attainable. You have just have to figure out the price.

    I truly enjoy reading the snippets of hate mail you get from straight men [must be straight because the gays would no doubt be fawning over you like the rest of the lasses].

    Never knew such bitchiness lurked in the hearts of the opposite sex. God, I hate men that are bitches. Dated a few of them. Should have ground them up for pet food but my cat doesn’t like to eat pussy.


  6. Actually, I take that back. What I meant to say was I had forgotten that such bitchiness lurked in the hearts of the opposite sex. I just didn’t realize how prevalent it is.

  7. w0rmwood Says:

    “I hate men that are bitches. Dated a few of them. Should have ground them up for pet food but my cat doesn’t like to eat pussy.”

    This has inspired an entire post, look for it later this week.

    =)

    PS – My therapist/pastor/uncle says my dreams of lesbian cats are your fault, and that you are probably going to hell because of it.


  8. Therapist/pastor/uncle? I think you need an intervention lol


  9. “Everybody wants to flood the valley, but nobody gives a damn.”

    “Is that a quote from somewhere or something you made up?

    Made up to fit the flow of the into.

    What is it supposed to mean?”

    Nothing in the context it was delivered…I just liked the arrangement of words. If I had to interpret it I say it was about men being unwilling to work for pussy.

    [1] Sorry for crassness, but the term seemed fitting.


  10. “I believe everything is attainable. You have just have to figure out the price.”

    True, but most things of value are destroyed when you compromise them that way…thus you’re not really getting them.

    “[must be straight because the gays would no doubt be fawning over you like the rest of the lasses].”

    For some reason I tend to get along exceedingly well with folks of alternative orientation of both sexes. I suppose it’s because I can flirt safely with either without worrying about it going anywhere.

  11. engtech Says:

    Except for that time with the roofies, eh?

  12. engtech Says:

    That’ll teach you to go to Club Icon.

  13. max Says:

    This casts such a different light on those bridal gown photos.

  14. HitTheRhodes Says:

    “Now that it’s summer can we Expect scandalous shitless photo’s of the Beat Entropy crew in their natural environment?”

    I assume that “shitless” is a typo…pretty easy to miss an ‘r’. However, if it isn’t, am I ever glad that I missed the scandalous photos that weren’t shitless…


  15. “However, if it isn’t, am I ever glad that I missed the scandalous photos that weren’t shitless…”

    Longest summer of my life.

  16. thekenji Says:

    Sigh… it’s going to be another dirty summer.

    Wormwood and I will look into arranging a BE photoshoot sometime, maybe we can make a four-month calendar book out of it. January, June, July and Smarch

  17. w0rmwood Says:

    You know what they say:

    July 30 followed by Smarch dirty!


  18. Wormwood, please post soon.

  19. max Says:

    There is no good nickname for Wormwood. Worm just sounds wrong. And Wood, that sounds more wrong. What a dillemma.


  20. Not if you’re making absinthe…then it’s just delectable! I bought wormwood from my a specialty shop sometime ago and some brandy to steep it in…but I never got around to it. Turns out it would’ve been futile as I think there are at least two varieties of wormwood, one innocuous and readily for sale, the other much more exotic and designed to set us afloat.

  21. w0rmwood Says:

    Ah Absinthe.

    I actually made a batch once in my youth. We steeped all the ingredients (chiefly wormwood, anise, and fennel) in some crazy over proofed vodka from Quebec.

    We steeped it in a basement for about 3 months, and then tried it out.

    It tasted really, really bad.

    Ironically, most studies show that the apparent psychoactive nature of Absinthe was at the very least over exagerated, and more likely totally untrue.

    While there is a percentage of both THC and Thujone in Wormwood (Artemisia absinthium ), studies show that it is not likely to get enough into Absinthe to have an effect.

    That having been said, it is a delightful drink with a beautiful history and truly fantastic aesthetic following.

    You can buy Absinthe again in Canada and the US. Some nice bars in Toronto, NYC (and one in Ottawa) actually sell the better stuff per glass, complete with sugar and spoon.

    Oh, one thing though, modern sugar cubes don’t react like the sugar cubes of old… so you have to really work them in some liquid before lighting them on fire.

    =)

  22. fish Says:

    Interestingly enough, the same can be said of Valliant. Nonetheless, there will be fire.

  23. max Says:

    Fish that is very funny.

  24. engtech Says:

    wormwood is the resident PhD.


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