Letter Day 97: Oh the places I have been

July 4, 2007

Oh the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon, the little boy blue and the man in the moon.When you coming home, Poppa AJ”, I don’t know when…we’ll have a Letter Day then….you know we’ll have letter day then

It’s been a long time my children’s… and I don’t have much excuse, save my heart went wandering and took my narrative gumption with it. In my defense I also haven’t fed my cat in a week, or beaten her properly in three days. Hell of world we live in. Let us get down to business.

What about the guvament? I been inside so long I reached the out within the center. Why can’t I mezmerate the endogenous conclusion of my obvious subsumation? There are three thoughts I must propose:

1. Bureaucracy functions as a anti truth engine that converts an economy of linear deception into false industry of non productive thought.

2. Authority is a measure of anironic buying in: to the stated principles.

3. You can hammer a thought flat and it retains all meaning; put one dent in man and he becomes inchoate and meaningless.

Danny Dangerous, Privy Council.

Damn, Danny. I think you may be too far to reach with mortal words. It is thus, then, that I must turn to power of music to get my message across. Using my profound understanding of the human psyche (and degree is musical theater from Devry) I will create an aural tapestry to reach your troubled spirit.

Danny, right now your head seems to be about yonder:

What we need is you get you about here

And hopefully wind up in the general vicinity of


(Given the intro I felt compelled to print this one)

I belive it is totally unethical to keep cats as pets. We are robbing a highly adept predator of it dignity and grace. Every cat in captivity lives in symbolic betrayal of it’s inherent nature.
Would you eat food off the floor that had been left their for days? Would you want to be locked in a building with you finger nails pulled out, totally dependant on another being?

PETA fan

Would I eat food that had been left on the floor for days? While I don’t make a habit of it, history would say: yes…yes I would.

Would I want to be locked in room all day without my claws and a whole lot to do? No. But I also wouldn’t lick my asshole clean after taking a dump…there is a very different set of wiring at play.
Besides, my cat is welcome to leave any time she wants and she knows it. Since she couldn’t catch a dead bird if she had a hound dog strapped to her back, she stays.

And to be honest: I do so many other ethically questionable things in a day, the whole Pet Ownership deal is pretty low on the old redemptive totem pole. I was at breakfast this morning and I just started choking this old man for no reason. The whole time I was yelling at his wife “Can’t you see he’s choking, why won’t you help him? He loves you so much“. I killed that old man, and I won’t lose a wink of sleep over it. That doesn’t really address your point…but It makes me feel like big man to brag about bullying the elderly.


So did Valliant hang himself because he turned 31, or something?
Provided he’s not actually dead when is the next arbitrary ranking of great something or other coming out? Can somebody drag his old ass away from whatever duck pong he’s whiling away his golden years at and put the mutherfuka to work.

DJ Kim Jong Ill (the prophet)

I’m more of jumper.
Something should be coming out later this week.
ps. My starving ducks are going to fuck you up. Fo real.


Dear Future AJ,
Using a trans tachyon emitter I found In a dumpster I am sending this email to my future self (you) that I might obtain a little advice. Things are going pretty good right now but I feel troubles on the horizon…whats some stuff I should look out for?

A.J. from eleven years ago

Hmm….that spelling and grammar is suspiciously good for the 20 year old version of me: maybe he had Mike proof read his message. All right young A.J., since you included the Periods in our name I’m going to do you (us) a solid. Now I suscribe to a fairly deterministic and inflexible school of time affect, so I can’t actually change any choice I will make…but I can at least help you cope a little.

A little advice from the future.

  • : Crazy girls never get less crazy over the course of a relationship. It just doesn’t happen.
  • : You are not nearly as cool as you think you are at this point and time….but you will be.
  • : Try and remember the next few years in detail…you will be apologizing for them for a long time to come.
  • : You will eventually get a tech job and they will never fire you no matter how unprofessional you become. Try to do a lot of drugs so your sense of reality is indistinct enough to blur your awareness of your surroundings.
  • : Be nice to Holly; it’s usually your fault.
  • : You are going to hit a lull between 25 and 28…push through it, things get pretty interesting from then on.
  • :Turns out your teeth actually are kind of small. So is your head. Stop arguing about it.

Not real useful advice; but you’re quite stubborn and kind of an asshole at this point so you wouldn’t take the good stuff to heart anyways.


4 Responses to “Letter Day 97: Oh the places I have been”

  1. siginsig Says:

    Young A.J. has the trans tachyon emitter, but does he not have to have a modulating space time rift? I think someone is trying to dupe you.

    You’ll have to forgive my ignorance on the space-time continuum, I’m the ships chief floral arranger officer.

  2. engtech Says:

    Turns out your teeth actually are kind of small. So is your head. Stop arguing about it.

    If I remember one thing from Canada Day Weekend haze it’s that you need to get a really big hat to balance out your head. Preferably Simmi’s. You should steal it, and her cookies too.

  3. engtech Says:

    I did it all for the cookie
    The cookie

  4. Sally Says:

    Dear A.J. from 2 and a half years ago,

    You’ll actually lose 2 tech jobs through no fault of your own but don’t worry too much, better things await on the employment front. Also, Felicia will get her big chance to escape after spending a night outside in the summer of 2009 but it turns out she’ll only waddle as far as the first patch of grass.

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