At large and delicious

July 9, 2007

 

I bought a pie a couple months ago. Cherry. I’m not really a dessert guy, but this particular pie spoke to me…for whatever reason. [1] “AJ” the pie said “you could use a little pie. What say you bring me home.” So I bought it with every intention of eating it that night… two months hence the pie still sits atop my fridge.

 So far as I can tell[2] it’s remained remarkably preserved. Whatever fruity animus allowed it to reach me in the first place has somehow staved off mold and desiccation. The only visible sign of disrepair is a narrow crack bisecting its two halves (caused, I assume, by the release of disappointment over my failure to consume it in a timely fashion). I have no concrete grounds under which I would be justified in casting a dessert down the garbage shoot into Pieblivion[3]. Yet I am not hungry, so the pie it waits…judging me always.

[1]It didn’t say this verbally, of course. The exchange was largely implied by its piely demeanor and the context supplied by previous dealings with baked goods.

[2] The pie is contained within a decorative Farmers Market box with a clear plastic top. Were I to open the box for a better look (with no real intention of consumption) I would be violating all tenets of Pie/Purchaser covenant. 

[3] I take a perverse satisfaction at introducing words like this into my spell checker. The system’s all like:

MS Word: That ain’t a word chief

And AJ’s (all like): It is now suckah. (hits add to dictionary)

Then MS Word’s (like): Nigga, that was cold blooded.

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22 Responses to “At large and delicious”

  1. Anita Marie Says:

    When I was about 9 I found this dead bird in my back yard.

    I went outside every morning to see what changes it had been through during the night.

    Your pie watching reminds me of that.

    amm


  2. Your footnotes amuse me. I’m going to collect them, remove all context, and make a scrapbook.

    Also, would you say your spell check is being “pious” ?

  3. max Says:

    Eating cherry pie without ice cream violates five tenets of the Geneva Convention.

  4. w0rmwood Says:

    “Eating cherry pie without ice cream violates five tenets of the Geneva Convention.”

    Huh? Really? I always thought it was without ‘consent’ that got you into trouble…

  5. max Says:

    I think you are talking about a different kind of “cherry pie.”

    Jeez.

  6. w0rmwood Says:

    OOooohhh…

    wait what?

    You lost me.

    =)

  7. max Says:

    I do not believe that for a second you are way too smart for me to lose you.

  8. w0rmwood Says:

    *bats eyelashes*

    what? me? huh?

    =)

  9. max Says:

    Yes you Mr. Etymology of Words Guy.

    [Did I spell that right?]

  10. thekenji Says:

    I don’t understand how your MS Word is so much cooler than my MS Word.

  11. Jive Says:

    lol.. footnote 3

  12. Stiletto Says:

    I don’t believe for one minute this story is literally about a pie. Gee people — wake up and smell the cherries!

  13. Stiletto Says:

    Then again, AJ might not either.

    Signed,
    Dr Freud. Stiletto Freud. This was brought to you. Free of charge.

  14. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    “I don’t believe for one minute this story is literally about a pie. Gee people — wake up and smell the cherries!”

    What I can’t work out, is why he would store a woman on top of his fridge.

  15. Ginny Says:

    Re: footnote 3
    I thought I was the only one who anthropomorphized technology. Because I have this coffee maker that is SUCH a snotty little bitch…

  16. Stiletto Says:

    “What I can’t work out, is why he would store a woman on top of his fridge.”

    Easy. You can turn her over and carry her like a six pack.

  17. max Says:

    You so did not say that.

  18. Stiletto Says:

    Of course I didn’t. The devil…well, you know how it goes.

  19. max Says:

    That is what happens when you leave a cat alone with a keyboard. Bad Pumpkin. Bad.

  20. Stiletto Says:

    My pussy is full of tricks.

  21. max Says:

    Wow that is not even veiled sex talk that is flat out blatant.

  22. Stiletto Says:

    Sometimes alcohol happens.


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