Ask BE: Why is he even commenting on our looks?

January 31, 2008

 Today’s Ask BE is in response to a question/comment brought to us Via a third party: loyal BE reader Stiletto. In a post she made about a fetish party she had attended, I made some rather unflattering comments about her fellow party goers. One of the unfortunate chaps took umbrage at my unsolicited assessment, and directed some vitriol up yonder. In true BE spirit I will cheerfully address a secondary readers concerns and slander.

As Stil did not indicate which participant was the wounded party we can only speculate as to whether it was:

– Creepy Uncle Charlie in the gauze sleeves?

-The ethnic waiter?

-Fred Penner in the red plastic bowling shirt?

-The Bonaduce fan club president?   (Not pictured above)

The aforementioned slander directed up yonder

“”To paraphrase Marcellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction, his DC privileges are revoked.

He seems like a preening little cunt, especially with his multo-gay boy pictures on his blog. He’ll eventually be someone’s rent boy. LOL

Really, why is he even commenting on our looks? Sounds suspicious to me. As Nash would say, “What, AJ? Are you cruising for a piece of ass?””

First off: if you can’t go more than two sentences without quoting a movie, perhaps, in lieu of attending fetish parties, your time would be better spent honing your capacity for original thought…or purchasing a mirror.

 Let’s address this point by point:

 “”To paraphrase Marcellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction, his DC privileges are revoked.”

I wasn’t aware I had D.C. privileges. I mean, I’ve never had any specific desire to visit the city, but if I’d known the homely fetish community had such sweeping municipal powers, I would have at least made a attempt to swing by (before the inevitable clash robbed me of my visiting rights). I suppose I’ll just have to arrange a mugging at gunpoint on the steps of parliament, to simulate the Districts local colour.

“He seems like a preening little cunt, especially with his multo-gay boy pictures on his blog.”

Am I a preening little cunt?

Well, I’m 6′ and about 190lbs (and muscular at that), so while I’m not huge, I’m at least respectably medium sized. I do preen; though only to give my coat a nice glossy sheen, and remove excess ticks and parasites. Ones Cuntiness is hard to self assess, so I’ll leave that one up for public debate.

Multo-gay boy pictures, eh?

Well lets take a look at the photo in question:

Hmmm… damming stuff. That’s about an 8.7 on the old Prickter scale. I suppose I can’t really take offence to someone questioning my sexuality on the basis of an incredibly gay picture.   

 On the plus side: I don’t find accusations of homosexuality particularly offensive. While inaccurate, its on par with someone claiming I wear brown shoes all the time: they’re not really my style, and I don’t own any, but I know lots of very cool people that can pull the look off; so what do I care if someone thinks I’m down with them.

 As a general rule: people that put up retarded Tom of Finland style photos of themselves are probably secure enough in their sexuality it can’t really be used a weapon against them.

“He’ll eventually be someone’s rent boy. LOL”

 I actually more offended at someone LOL’n their own unfunny statement, than I am at the prognostications towards my future employment. In these tough economic times you cannot rule out any potential revenue stream…no matter how unpalatable. While manwhoring is not a specific career goal, it’s gratifying that I’ve retained enough handsome that I could still Midnight Cowboy it up in a pinch.

“Really, why is he even commenting on our looks?”

Fair question. It’s not like they were participating in a beauty contest.

Does going out in public in unsettling garb[1], that highlights your deficiencies, really warrant slander from a jackass Canadian.

Examine the post in question for a moment : THE POST IN QUESTION

As gut response I said:  Those are some ugly, ugly, dudes at that party. The best looking guy would come in 3rd in a Danny Bonaduce look alike contest. That’s just depressing.

 In retrospect: still funny, but a tad uncharitable[2]. I suppose I was moved by dissonance….in addition to a severe case of the jibblies.

 Stilleto is a strikingly attractive young lady; the other partygoers (especially the male attendees)…less so.  To have one good looking person, at a “sexy” event, is strategic failure of the highest order. If you are racing shopping carts you can’t let some dude on a motocross bike take a few laps. If they had any sense they would have seeded burn victims amongst the wait staff to push up their comparative Q rating.  

 Does any of that make me less a jackass for commenting? Not at all. I’m clearly a petty asshole with limited consideration for other peoples feelings. While the words lacked substantial malice, any harm inflicted will be a stain upon my karma, pushing my unborn children that much closer to tragic deformity. Will I never learn?

**********

[1] Before purchasing a given outfit maybe ask a friend if you’re creepy looking…use the social resources at hand to avoid public shame.

[2] Throwing down the dreaded “double ugly” was a tad too strong. A single “ugly” would likely have sufficed.

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81 Responses to “Ask BE: Why is he even commenting on our looks?”

  1. Cael Says:

    Is there an asshole category in this year Pulitzers prize deliberations? Because you would be a lock for it.


  2. Still: Duely noted.
    And thank your friend for his readership. It’s always appreciated.


  3. “Is there an asshole category in this year Pulitzers prize deliberations? ”

    I don’t think so. But I did get shortlisted by the Giller prize committee for my collection of Tone Poems : My beautiful balls; why their better than yours

  4. Rodney Says:

    A.J., you wear brown shoes.

  5. Pollyanna Sassmaster Says:

    “It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.”

    Mark Twain, Following the Equator (1897)

  6. w0rmwood Says:

    Ok, you know what, this made my whole day.

    First, AJ – new best line “If they had any sense they would have seeded burn victims amongst the wait staff to push up their comparative Q rating.”

    Secondly, AJ – you are a bad person, and thats ok.

    Now that just wasn’t very nice, but it was pretty fucking funny.

    However, on a more serious note, as a strong advocate for deviance, perversion and more generally abhorrent behaviour, I have to take issue with the delicate sensibilities that are being offended.

    1) If you are joinning in a fetish party, should you not be secure enough in your appearance to withstand mockery? I mean I’d hit up such an event, and possibly hang little Betty Page shaped weights from my nipples – but I sure as shit wouldn’t be shocked if my rather bizarre choices garnered some commentary.

    2) How can you simultenaously be hitting ‘fetish’ parties, but still be homophobic enough to use ‘gay’ in a slanderous manner? I mean you all realize that these events were pioneer by the queer community.. right?

    3) Creepy Uncle Charlie in the gauze sleeves is fucking AWESOME! Period! I would pay good money for you to head to an open-house dressed like that and keep asking about the closest schools, parks and playgrounds.

  7. Stiletto Says:

    Listen to Pollyanna, for she is wise.

  8. Rodney Says:

    “1) If you are joinning in a fetish party, should you not be secure enough in your appearance to withstand mockery? I mean I’d hit up such an event, and possibly hang little Betty Page shaped weights from my nipples – but I sure as shit wouldn’t be shocked if my rather bizarre choices garnered some commentary.”

    Interesting, but you can do better. How’s about a Nicolas Cage head on one nipple and a Ghost Rider flaming skull on the other? If you wanted you could put the flaming horse on your belly button. Bonus points if it was real fire.

    “2) How can you simultenaously be hitting ‘fetish’ parties, but still be homophobic enough to use ‘gay’ in a slanderous manner? I mean you all realize that these events were pioneer by the queer community.. right?”

    Exactly….there are better, stronger, faster homosexuality implying words to use.

    “3) Creepy Uncle Charlie in the gauze sleeves is fucking AWESOME! Period! I would pay good money for you to head to an open-house dressed like that and keep asking about the closest schools, parks and playgrounds.”

    Ah, but would you pay double if he took a short break every couple of seconds to zone out and go “uunnhhh”?


  9. “Creepy Uncle Charlie in the gauze sleeves is fucking AWESOME! Period! I would pay good money for you to head to an open-house dressed like that and keep asking about the closest schools, parks and playgrounds.”

    Creepy Uncle Charlie has a standing invite to attend any BE cocktail shindigs. Though I suspect he’s actually a shell-less turtle who’s taken the guise of a man…that he might attend sexy parties.

  10. engtech Says:

    I dunno man. 900 words to respond to a 6 sentence attack?


  11. “I dunno man. 900 words to respond to a 6 sentence attack?”

    Even angry readers are still my Childrens. Poppa AJ never shortchanges his childrens.*

    *With the exception of my actual children: Richochet and Lucifer…who have to fight for every nickel they get.


  12. ps. You counted the words?

  13. Stiletto Says:

    “dunno man. 900 words to respond to a 6 sentence attack?”

    Make it 12. I suppose you guys wouldn’t be interested in hearing the rest of it?


  14. Hells yeah…though that would have been more helpful before I completed the post.

  15. Stiletto Says:

    “Yeah. Besides, it would never occur to me to even get on someone’s blog and say some shit like that.

    In the immortal words of Riley Freeman of The Boondocks, “Sounds like a hater to me.”

    He just sounds like a vain little prick. Notice that I’m not going to say anything…because I don’t give a fuck. He sounds miserable. That’s the only reason to bother.

    That’s the thing with looks. Someone’s always going to be uglier. Someone’s always going to be better looking than me. Some women prefer my looks, and I’m not some women’s type. Chicks have always thought I was attractive, so AJ’s comments really don’t make me mad at all.

    If anything, that dude looks like he’s trying too hard.

    I just do my own thing and don’t worry about the other schmucks. I’m certainly not going to visit someone’s blog and denigrate the looks of other males…hell, I wouldn’t even go on someone’s blog and talk trash about the women in the pictures, especially if they are friends of the blogger. That’s just rude, and I was raised better than that.

    He looks like a gay hustler in that pic, not a 70s porn star. If he can’t take the heat, he shouldn’t post pics of himself like that.

    Issues. The man has issues…or he’s just a hater. LOL

    How old is AJ? He doesn’t seem very mature.

    Sounds like a childish twit and an idiot. Who can take their comments personally?

    He’s lost all credibility with me. As the Brits say, he’s a wanker.

    However, he really should shut his piehole because someone is going to call him on his nonsense. He’s not that good looking. In fact, his nose is too small…and she should stop with the blue-steel posing — head up at an angle, sucking his cheeks in with his ears sticking out. He is poster-boy gay looking. LOL”

    And last, but not least:

    “He doesn’t look that tall. More like 5′10″…with a weird preoccupation with other men’s looks. LOL”

    Well, that’s all, folks. Enjoy

    I think I miscounted.


  16. “In the immortal words of Riley Freeman of The Boondocks, “Sounds like a hater to me.”

    Again with the movie quotes. He’s like Goldmember and bands.

    ***

    “He just sounds like a vain little prick. Notice that I’m not going to say anything…because I don’t give a fuck. He sounds miserable. That’s the only reason to bother.”

    I can’t believe he saw through my Joyous façade. He sure said nothing at length, though.

    ****

    “He looks like a gay hustler in that pic, not a 70s porn star. If he can’t take the heat, he shouldn’t post pics of himself like that.”

    Not altogether inaccurate. I, however, stand by the awesome of that photo.

    *****

    “Issues. The man has issues…or he’s just a hater. LOL”

    I clearly have issues ROTFLOL

    ***

    “How old is AJ? He doesn’t seem very mature.”

    31. And I’m really not.

    ***

    “He’s lost all credibility with me. “

    I had credibility with creepy uncle Charlie?

    ***

    “However, he really should shut his piehole because someone is going to call him on his nonsense. “

    Heavens forefend.

    ***

    “He’s not that good looking. In fact, his nose is too small…and she should stop with the blue-steel posing — head up at an angle, sucking his cheeks in with his ears sticking out. He is poster-boy gay looking. LOL”

    I actually found that mostly complimentary.

  17. Rodney Says:

    Dude has a lot to say. Especially seeing as how he isn’t mad. I would hate to see what he would say if he was.


  18. In all fairness I would probably be pretty pissed off if some random dude spoke ill of me, and my friends, appearance without provacation.

  19. Rodney Says:

    “In all fairness I would probably be pretty pissed off if some random due spoke ill of me, and my friends, appearance without provacation.”

    I don’t have an issue with him being upset, but don’t say you’re not upset. Own up to the emotion and say “He pissed me off.” You said what you felt, he’s tiptoeing around his issues. It would be similar to when I had one of my epic meltdowns when were younger, and afterwards, me coming back and saying “Oh you didn’t get to me”, when it was very clear that you did.


  20. ” It would be similar to when I had one of my epic meltdowns when were younger, and afterwards, me coming back and saying “Oh you didn’t get to me”, when it was very clear that you did.”

    Testament to my life long proclivity toward riling.

  21. Pollyanna Sassmaster Says:

    “In all fairness I would probably be pretty pissed off if some random dude spoke ill of my, and my friends, appearance without provacation.”

    Your heart grew three sizes today.

  22. Rodney Says:

    “Testament to my life long proclivity toward riling.”

    Well, to be fair, I did have a *bit* of a hair trigger. Also, if I were you and you were me, I would have riled you just to see the response.

  23. Mike Says:

    Posting in a thread I don’t understand! (I suppose I could try but, I don’t want to)


  24. “Posting in a thread I don’t understand! (I suppose I could try but, I don’t want to)”

    Welcome to my entire life.

  25. engtech Says:

    ps. You counted the words?

    I just clicked the edit post button to see the word count

    looking at Stiletto’s follow-up the dude is at around 400 words, so the balance hasn’t been restored but at least it’s closer

  26. Cal Says:

    i don’t know Creepy Uncle Charlie… but the guy sounds like a mac user to me. i can’t stand mac users. always with the paraphrasing and “as the {enter native of foreign country} say” how about what you say? also calling someone immature and LOLing in the same post doesn’t exactly inspire maturity. fuck, LOLing period in my books should get you ridiculed on a daily basis. the way i see it AJ’s comments were merely a preemptive strike. speaking of karma, his regular use of teen chatspeak is what probably brought on these recent comments. that’s karma.

    which makes me think the name Creepy Uncle Charlie might be fitting for someone who looks like an even gayer Steve Jobs and resorts to verbosity of 13 year old girl. hmmm.

    i sorta apologize… i just finished an extremely long day at work serving insensitive, self absorbed, twanks and i’m feelin scrappy so seeing this post was somewhat serendipitous. call me a hater… fuck call me a hater by quoting some tasteless movie… yer right. i hate. hating makes me feel good about myself and all my insecurities. but you gotta know i hate ALL people. some more than others. like hipsters who wear keffiyehs and steve jobs.

  27. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    “On the plus side: I don’t find accusations of homosexuality particularly offensive. While inaccurate, its on par with someone claiming I wear brown shoes all the time: they’re not really my style, and I don’t own any, but I know lots of very cool people that can pull the look off; so what do I care if someone thinks I’m down with them.”

    This could very well be the sexiest thing you’ve ever said in a rant. For bonus points, I choked on my three day old pizza-for-breakfast at the description of the folks in the picture. I miss Fred Penner.

    “He’s like Goldmember and bands” – without the bitchen skates and hot accent. No need to cool the dude up wich such associations….”isn’t that veeeeird” …aaaaaaahhh choice.

  28. manofmystery99 Says:

    AJ, I’m one of those guys in the photo you denigrated. I’ve read the comments and have to agree you must have no life to be criticizing Stil’s male friends.

    It must be hard when you go out to the clubs – keeping your distance from all the ugly guys so you’re not accidentally photographed with them.

    I happen to be 6′, 190# and muscular and haven’t been thrown out of bed by a woman in a good long time. Oh, and all my tatoos are spelled correctly.

  29. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    Oh…delicious. I get to point out the irony of your new fan’s ability to hire literate ‘tatoo’ artists. This is indeed a fine day.


  30. Hi MoM99, good to hear from you.

    “Oh, and all my tatoos are spelled correctly.”

    Are you implying my Dragon is spelled incorrectly? Are you from some Ancient culture that still communicates in pictographs and cuneiform?

    Oh dear god…your not a slumbering dragon awoken by my slander[1], are you?

    [1]or perhaps just to attend a sexy party…then back to sleep for a thousand years.


  31. “It must be hard when you go out to the clubs – keeping your distance from all the ugly guys so you’re not accidentally photographed with them.”

    Finally! Someone who understand the nightly battle I go through just to get a few drinks. I felt so alone up until now. Thank you MoM99…You’ve brought some peace to my troubled heart.

  32. Rodney Says:

    “i don’t know Creepy Uncle Charlie… but the guy sounds like a mac user to me. i can’t stand mac users. always with the paraphrasing and “as the {enter native of foreign country} say” how about what you say? also calling someone immature and LOLing in the same post doesn’t exactly inspire maturity. fuck, LOLing period in my books should get you ridiculed on a daily basis. the way i see it AJ’s comments were merely a preemptive strike. speaking of karma, his regular use of teen chatspeak is what probably brought on these recent comments. that’s karma.

    which makes me think the name Creepy Uncle Charlie might be fitting for someone who looks like an even gayer Steve Jobs and resorts to verbosity of 13 year old girl. hmmm.

    i sorta apologize… i just finished an extremely long day at work serving insensitive, self absorbed, twanks and i’m feelin scrappy so seeing this post was somewhat serendipitous. call me a hater… fuck call me a hater by quoting some tasteless movie… yer right. i hate. hating makes me feel good about myself and all my insecurities. but you gotta know i hate ALL people. some more than others. like hipsters who wear keffiyehs and steve jobs.”

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you are not a big fan of apple. I find that interesting Cal, given your artistic prowess. I’m not saying that everybody artistic has to love a Apple, I just find that they seem to be targetting them.

  33. Rodney Says:

    “Finally! Someone who understand the nightly battle I go through just to get a few drinks. I felt so alone up until now. Thank you MoM99…You’ve brought some peace to my troubled heart.”

    I KNEW IT!!!! I knew there was a reason we didn’t hang out more….


  34. I never wanted you to find out this way, Rodney.

    *Runs away sobbing*

  35. Daniel Says:

    You should post that man of mystery guys email so we can spam him!


  36. “You should post that man of mystery guys email so we can spam him!”

    Absolutely not. I don’t care what their intent is, I would never betray the privacy of someone who posts on Beats Entropy. I wouldn’t even email them myself unless I had legitimate reason.

    And specific to this case: I think MoM99 has legit grievance, and should be allowed to voice his displeasure without censure or gang harassment.

  37. Rodney Says:

    “Absolutely not. I don’t care what their intent is, I would never betray the privacy of someone who posts on Beats Entropy. I wouldn’t even email them myself unless I had legitimate reason.

    And specific to this case: I think MoM99 has legit grievance, and should be allowed to voice his displeasure without censure or gang harassment.”

    And it’s not like you need help anyways?

  38. conundrum Says:

    Mr. Valliant – I have a mancrush on your witty-ness.

    Also, I’ve been to some guilty-fetish parties and as a casual observer I’m sorry to say that the manly “costumes” in the pics leave a lot to be desired. The women have some hot looks…maybe I say that because I really like the women. Oh well.

  39. Rodney Says:

    What’s the BE record for comments after a post?


  40. “Mr. Valliant – I have a mancrush on your witty-ness.”

    Damn decent of you to say, Conundrum. Though my friends will not thank you for contributing to my already insufferable smugness.

  41. wowzer Says:

    You sure look different on myspace. I wouldn’t have even known it was you.

    http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=286613881


  42. Yeah…I created that profile a few years back. I got creeped out by the site three days in and just abandonded it. It’s a tad rife with child predators, jail bait, and frat boys. Not really my scene.


  43. Ahahaha, ok I just checked that Myspace link now, as it is blocked from work. There is another AJ Valliant…and he is a wholesome blond British Pro Vocalist. My wicked other. I feel i should reach out to him somehow…only I fear his awful Limey touch.

  44. Cal Says:

    “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you are not a big fan of apple. I find that interesting Cal, given your artistic prowess. I’m not saying that everybody artistic has to love a Apple, I just find that they seem to be targetting them.”

    ah see there’s the misconception, that macs are for creative people, artistic people… which is complete and utter bullshit. macs are for poseurs with too much money and not enough individuality.

    i guess i got fired up earlier for two reasons:

    one of the people was attacking AJ, even though AJ doesn’t need anyone sticking up for him. I’m fiercely loyal to my friends no matter how long it’s been since I’ve seen him. granted AJ attacked a group of people who didn’t ask for or wanted someone passing whimsical judgment on them. that I understand. but I also understand the folly of being sensitive about personal things when it comes to AJ, or probably myself for that matter. can’t take things too personal… then again maybe I would if I looked like Fred Penner doing a side stint as Cowboy Curtis’ best friend on Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

    secondly that guy just reminded me of steve jobs. i lost all reasoning, pushed an old lady into traffic and kneecapped her husband with a metal snow shovel. i seriously lost my shit, so i figured i needed to find a more constructive way to channel my rage for that megalomaniacal cuntbag of a pseudo-geek. i fucking hate that smarmy dirty twank. thus my verbal attack on the person in the photo.

    btw I was out by your parents place last month and I thought about that deaf-blind dog you had, and trying to break into the abandoned house across the road.


  45. “btw I was out by your parents place last month and I thought about that deaf-blind dog you had, and trying to break into the abandoned house across the road.”

    Rowdy the space dog.
    A fine dog indeed.

  46. Rodney Says:

    “Rowdy the space dog.
    A fine dog indeed.”

    Why did we name him the space dog again? I forget the exact reason. That dog had the lives of a cat. When you can’t hear or see and go roving around on back roads, you are looking for disaster.

    “btw I was out by your parents place last month and I thought about that deaf-blind dog you had, and trying to break into the abandoned house across the road.”

    Dude, that is a seriously disjointed memory. We should take up a discussion offline Cal. Get in touch with A.J. and get my email. We can reminisce in a conversation with A.J. 2008 style.

    And your right, A.J. needs no help, however your loyalty is commendable. I think that I have felt the effects of his razor wit so much that it has seriously hindered my abilities to get in to a battle of wits with anyone else on the planet


  47. I love that both my childhood friends impassioned defenses of me included offhand mention of past verbal abuse towards them.

    I am way too pleased by my own idiosyncratic dickishness.

  48. Rodney Says:

    “I love that both my childhood friends impassioned defenses of me included offhand mention of past verbal abuse towards them.

    I am way too pleased by my own idiosyncratic dickishness.”

    It’s meant as a compliment. I hope you took it as such. Your ability to out think a person is amazing. Sure, if we could harness it to focus on the medical community we may have cures for several of todays worst or most prolific diseases, but the way you use it is cool too.

    If aliens ever attack, I vote for you to be our General.

  49. max Says:

    I guess I should imply Cal is homosexual and wears brown shoes and maybe quote a bunch of movies or something here he slandered my Mac but the only movie quote I know is “listen up you primitive screwheads this is my boom stick” I do not think that will work.

    Also I do not know any homosexual slurs.

    Wait. I still have the shoes.

    Damn you Cal you wear brown shoes.

  50. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    Yessssssssssssss Army of Darkness.

    I’m entertained by how many responses this post has provoked, and the loyalty with which your readers and friends support your dickery. Almost gives me the warm fuzzys generally reserved for Disney movies and abused squirrels rescued by thuggish children.

  51. Stiletto Says:

    Yeah, I too am wondering what the real root of his angst is and why he’s blaming Mac for it!

  52. Lulu Malone Says:

    You’re hilarious.

  53. Cal Says:

    if you really must know. it’s more of a past anger towards the design institution and their narrow minded views. for years i was trying to get work in the design field (hind sight i don’t know why) and couldn’t even get an interview (this was before the facial tattoos). all due to the fact i didn’t have any experience on a mac. i found this very biased ’cause i knew photoshop like nobody’s business, what’s a mac got to do with it? so i became embittered after plenty of rejection. even though i’d done lots of freelance on my own computer, and worked as a designer for various companies.
    years later and contracts with large companies i found myself looking for part time work in the computer industry (i sorely missed a regular paycheck – plus i had habits to feed) i became exposed to the snotty, self absorbed, vain monster that is a mac user. now it should go without saying that there are exceptions to every rule. but a large… and i mean LARGE percentage of mac users are ignorant, pig-headed, starbucks drinkers. with their keffiyehs, castro caps, skinny pants, and swept bangs. these people are seriously deluded and continue to propagate the stereotype that macs are better and even more so for creative stuff. it’s complete hogwash. i could, and have built systems that would wipe a blue whale’s ass with an exorbitantly priced mac at a third of the cost. their ads may be clever, but propaganda and lies nonetheless.
    so i guess you could say it’s a grudge. or i’ve got a huge chip on my shoulder. it’s true. i admit it. at least i’ve got a few extra thousand in my pocket, and don’t have to speak with an affectatious lisp to sound sophisticated or artistic.
    arrrghhh it still gets me upset. think i’ll go pick fights with disabled kids brighten my mood.

  54. Lulu Malone Says:

    Oh, Cal, you’re singing my song. I would like to add that Mac users drive VW’s, while listening to bad impressionistic jazz on the way to the organic food coop where they purchase salmon to consume as part of their “vegetarian” diet, pushing on the gas peddle with feet decked out in white socks and Birkenstocks. Did I forget anything? Oh, yes, “mean people suck” bumper stickers, and that really annoying “coesist” sticker made out of all the different symbols of various religions.

  55. Lulu Malone Says:

    That was supposed to say “coexist”.

    I don’t coexist well because I am mean and I suck.

  56. max Says:

    Sheesh. I am on a Mac and am none of those things. You two are tragically confused I guess.

  57. Mike Says:

    I approve of this Mac hatred. Mac users are witches and must be burned!

  58. Rodney Says:

    Cal if you still do graphic design and you want a shot a competing against Apple, we should talk.

  59. Monkey Says:

    Wow … this thread is still alive … amazing … :]

  60. Lulu Malone Says:

    Max, people as cool as you have the power to bend a Mac to your will instead of the other way around, that’s all.

  61. Cal Says:

    max, i do believe i said that there are exceptions. some of my friends use mac, mind you i make fun of them as much as possible.
    yes lulu i agree VW and apple are pretty much the same thing, with every new product they release their logo on it gets bigger and bigger. ’cause lets face it, if you own a mac – it’s a status symbol. and when you go to the ‘bucks drinking your venti, half caff, low fat, w/ extra bubbles bullshit you want everyone to know you’ve got a very expensive useless computer-like toy. and if you happen to be male it’s also a way of telling everyone you’ve got a vagina.

    and rodney, i don’t need a shot at apple. i’m fairly confident in my ability to be creative without using gay-ass programs that have the letter “i” in front of everything. so retarded. regardless what were you thinking?

  62. Lulu Malone Says:

    Now Cal, their just metrosexual. You know, when you think about it, if guys did have vaginas, they would never get any work done–especially if they could maneuver around to get their dicks in their own vaginas. Oh…duh. Metrosexual. I feel so naive.

    I have friends (actually, I just tell people I do so they don’t freak out and realize how strange I really am) that use Macs, too, and they are usually frustrated and asking why they can’t do what I can do with a PC. Actually, that’s a lie, they are asking my husband that, because he is a programmer, who hates Macs. I am not so technically inclined.

    Cal, I don’t have the faintest idea who the hell you are, but we could probably have a fun, stress relieving evening together if we went out hating on stuff. I know I would enjoy it.

  63. w0rmwood Says:

    I dunno about all this MAC stuff…

    MACs are simply very well designed computers that also happen to run operating systems that are more stable than their MS counterparts.

    I would agree that there is a certain upper-middle-class status symbol element at play here, but those change all the time.

    I use a PC and a MAC, and I have to say that the macbookpro is still one of the nicest laptops I’ve owned. I’ve mostly run IBMs in the past, as well as a Dell – but the combination of interface design and operating system stability just make it a nicer machine.

    Of course, I was a little concerned after about a week of using the machine when I realized I had grown a vagina under my nutsack… …but after the shock wore off I just figured it was a good place to store my Imouse, Ipowercord, and Ikeyboard.

  64. Lulu Malone Says:

    errr, sorry, the first “their” should have been “they’re”. dammit.

  65. max Says:

    Oh well all the people I know who are on Macs are very cool people but they and I do not hang out at those coffee places you kids are frequenting. I will be nice and not point out that you apparently do.

  66. Lulu Malone Says:

    Actually, by the frequency that I go there, I seem to hang out at the food CoOp–I can’t have caffeine, or yummy glutenous baked goods, so I am not a Bucky.

    Max, once again, of course your friends who are Mac users are cool, because you wouldn’t be friends with them if they weren’t because You are cool. Therefore, they must have a high enough coolness factor to also override the Mac factor.

    I am an organic food nerd, so, I am so open to all kinds of cracking on, but then again, I will still be alive when everyone else is dead but their bodies are still here because they can’t decay because they ate so many preservatives.

  67. Lulu Malone Says:

    Or, Cal, since we seem to share a similar dislike for vestigial hippiness, we could organize a hate-in.

  68. Lulu Malone Says:

    See, Wormwood! Aren’t vagina’s fun? They are very versatile.

  69. Stiletto Says:

    “for years i was trying to get work in the design field (hind sight i don’t know why) and couldn’t even get an interview”

    Aha! I knew it! :)

  70. Rodney Says:

    “Of course, I was a little concerned after about a week of using the machine when I realized I had grown a vagina under my nutsack… …but after the shock wore off I just figured it was a good place to store my Imouse, Ipowercord, and Ikeyboard.”

    That is my favourite w()rmwood quote of the year.

    Cal, I would have to discuss what I was talking about in a different venue.

  71. Rodney Says:

    Cal…I sent you a message in mybloglog that has my email…drop me a line.

  72. Cal Says:

    i’m also angry at macs cause i used one on and off for years at school and work, but to my dismay. no vag. how unfair is that? thankfully i also didn’t get the metro’man thing going.
    i’ll have you know i don’t frequent starbucks, i’ve a friend who loves it, so i meet him there to humour him. i prefer diner coffee. i like my coffee to be a dollar, refillable, and to not taste like ass with a worldly name. i like joe, mud, go-go juice, whatever you call it.
    and when i talked about getting design work, i realized i shouldn’t have tried so hard ’cause my passion is illustration. i’m ok at design. i get by. but i don’t love it. so nyah nyah, and yer mother. yeah! eat that. *thunbs nose*

  73. Scott Says:

    Cal, where do you work? I have the sudden urge to sip a latte while I shake my Macbook so it makes lightsaber noises – I need a properly appreciative audience for my fake toy baby computer.

  74. Stiletto Says:

    This post is still a classic.


  75. Sadly: I’m at my best when I’m being kind of a jackass.

  76. Stiletto Says:

    I’ll think of more morsels to throw you.

  77. max Says:

    This is where I raise my hand and look all morsel-like right?

  78. Stiletto Says:

    White chocolate morsel that melts in your mouth and not in your hand.

  79. Stiletto Says:

    This post is truly a classic. I’ve enjoyed revisiting it.

  80. Stiletto Says:

    And once again, worth a revisit. Classic indeed.


  81. There’s some gorgeous kid’s shoes around just now, designers seem to have suddenly had a creative spurt. I am especially loving Italian Lelli Kellys.


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