Ask BE: Why is he even commenting on our looks?

 Today’s Ask BE is in response to a question/comment brought to us Via a third party: loyal BE reader Stiletto. In a post she made about a fetish party she had attended, I made some rather unflattering comments about her fellow party goers. One of the unfortunate chaps took umbrage at my unsolicited assessment, and directed some vitriol up yonder. In true BE spirit I will cheerfully address a secondary readers concerns and slander.

As Stil did not indicate which participant was the wounded party we can only speculate as to whether it was:

– Creepy Uncle Charlie in the gauze sleeves?

-The ethnic waiter?

-Fred Penner in the red plastic bowling shirt?

-The Bonaduce fan club president?   (Not pictured above)

The aforementioned slander directed up yonder

“”To paraphrase Marcellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction, his DC privileges are revoked.

He seems like a preening little cunt, especially with his multo-gay boy pictures on his blog. He’ll eventually be someone’s rent boy. LOL

Really, why is he even commenting on our looks? Sounds suspicious to me. As Nash would say, “What, AJ? Are you cruising for a piece of ass?””

First off: if you can’t go more than two sentences without quoting a movie, perhaps, in lieu of attending fetish parties, your time would be better spent honing your capacity for original thought…or purchasing a mirror.

 Let’s address this point by point:

 “”To paraphrase Marcellus Wallace from Pulp Fiction, his DC privileges are revoked.”

I wasn’t aware I had D.C. privileges. I mean, I’ve never had any specific desire to visit the city, but if I’d known the homely fetish community had such sweeping municipal powers, I would have at least made a attempt to swing by (before the inevitable clash robbed me of my visiting rights). I suppose I’ll just have to arrange a mugging at gunpoint on the steps of parliament, to simulate the Districts local colour.

“He seems like a preening little cunt, especially with his multo-gay boy pictures on his blog.”

Am I a preening little cunt?

Well, I’m 6′ and about 190lbs (and muscular at that), so while I’m not huge, I’m at least respectably medium sized. I do preen; though only to give my coat a nice glossy sheen, and remove excess ticks and parasites. Ones Cuntiness is hard to self assess, so I’ll leave that one up for public debate.

Multo-gay boy pictures, eh?

Well lets take a look at the photo in question:

Hmmm… damming stuff. That’s about an 8.7 on the old Prickter scale. I suppose I can’t really take offence to someone questioning my sexuality on the basis of an incredibly gay picture.   

 On the plus side: I don’t find accusations of homosexuality particularly offensive. While inaccurate, its on par with someone claiming I wear brown shoes all the time: they’re not really my style, and I don’t own any, but I know lots of very cool people that can pull the look off; so what do I care if someone thinks I’m down with them.

 As a general rule: people that put up retarded Tom of Finland style photos of themselves are probably secure enough in their sexuality it can’t really be used a weapon against them.

“He’ll eventually be someone’s rent boy. LOL”

 I actually more offended at someone LOL’n their own unfunny statement, than I am at the prognostications towards my future employment. In these tough economic times you cannot rule out any potential revenue stream…no matter how unpalatable. While manwhoring is not a specific career goal, it’s gratifying that I’ve retained enough handsome that I could still Midnight Cowboy it up in a pinch.

“Really, why is he even commenting on our looks?”

Fair question. It’s not like they were participating in a beauty contest.

Does going out in public in unsettling garb[1], that highlights your deficiencies, really warrant slander from a jackass Canadian.

Examine the post in question for a moment : THE POST IN QUESTION

As gut response I said:  “Those are some ugly, ugly, dudes at that party. The best looking guy would come in 3rd in a Danny Bonaduce look alike contest. That’s just depressing.

 In retrospect: still funny, but a tad uncharitable[2]. I suppose I was moved by dissonance….in addition to a severe case of the jibblies.

 Stilleto is a strikingly attractive young lady; the other partygoers (especially the male attendees)…less so.  To have one good looking person, at a “sexy” event, is strategic failure of the highest order. If you are racing shopping carts you can’t let some dude on a motocross bike take a few laps. If they had any sense they would have seeded burn victims amongst the wait staff to push up their comparative Q rating.  

 Does any of that make me less a jackass for commenting? Not at all. I’m clearly a petty asshole with limited consideration for other peoples feelings. While the words lacked substantial malice, any harm inflicted will be a stain upon my karma, pushing my unborn children that much closer to tragic deformity. Will I never learn?

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[1] Before purchasing a given outfit maybe ask a friend if you’re creepy looking…use the social resources at hand to avoid public shame.

[2] Throwing down the dreaded “double ugly” was a tad too strong. A single “ugly” would likely have sufficed.