Letter Day 101: Slam Politics

February 13, 2008

  

 I been down, but I ain’t beat; I been gone, but I ain’t dead. If I must be condemned let it be for one of these two truths:

1. I am not a helicopter.

2. Letter Day is late.

Enough lament. Let us get down the business.

—————————

   So what do think about the upcoming presidential election?

Julie C.

Vetterburg, VA

 Last night I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich while Barrack Obama was giving his victory speech and I almost burnt my goddamn house down. I just wanted to see the primary results, when CNN cut live to Obama laying it down for the party faithful…that is one electrifying motherfucker. The pace, build, and smooth erudition were uncanny: he was able to engage and challenge perfectly on beat, without straying from his message. A consistent clear message, that he seemed sincerely passionate about. I watched the entire thing, setting fire to my kitchen in the process.

 He all but kicked in my front door and held a knife of hope to my throat. By the end of the speech, had he asked, I would have killed a man. An innocent man, who’d done me recent kindness. At the very least I was ready to hop a bus and vote in the next primary[1].

 Then they cut to John Mcain, and it was like they were beating the dust out of an old rug [2]. Whenever he paused to gather himself I feared he had run down like some abandoned animitronic in the hall of failed presidential candidates. I swear, I saw a moth fly out of his mouth halfway through his speech.

 And I like John Mcain…if he was running against anyone but the O-Bomb I would strongly support him. But Oboe is locked in and loaded for bear. Charisma is back in the game, baby. Hillary [3]  is not worth mention. Well, further mention.

[1] This is somewhat of an empty statement: as I am Canadian, and don’t even vote in the elections I’m entitled too. This doesn’t change the fact I was moved by something I saw on CNN: as feat singular in its rarity.

[2] A quality rug, certainly. A decent honest rug, that had given many years of fine service, and possibly been tortured by the Vietcong, but dusty and threadbare none the less.
 

[3] Hillary is cross between that obnoxious over achieving mock UN president in high school, and a deranged Wallmart greeter encased in the plastic old people use to keep there couches fresh. Past events have left her way too bitter and maniacal to run an ice cream stand, let alone a country. I guess I sort of mentioned her three times now. Damn it.  

*******

  I think you guys have become too formulaic in your artistic stricture. Why don’t you try something novel: like assosiative drawing, or Militant feminist slam poety.

Olivander Blue.

OK.

Militant feminist slam poetry

Watch the world bleed out

 you pricked it with your murder cock

filled Gaia’s womb with corruption

Spew, spew, spew…poison abomination

there but for the taint of rod, goes I

********

I dug the music you guys have been putting up lately. Any new listens I should check out.

Cecil, CA

 I say without qualification: CBCradio3 is the last good thing created by man.

Check this business out

http://radio3.cbc.ca/play/band/The-Sunday-Sinners/So-Lonely/

http://radio3.cbc.ca/play/band/Fred-Eaglesmith/Seven-Shells/

http://radio3.cbc.ca/play/band/CALEDONIA/Houses/

The last one is my daily wakeup song.

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3 Responses to “Letter Day 101: Slam Politics”

  1. Ellen Page Says:

    “Hillary is cross between that obnoxious over achieving mock UN president in high school, and a deranged Wallmart greeter encased in the plastic old people use to keep there couches fresh. Past events have left her way too bitter and maniacal to run an ice cream stand, let alone a country.”

    You always make me laugh at the meanest things. If there is a special hell for clever asshole you will have a corner office.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Tee-hee … that was enjoyable. Although your Republican sympathies are showing through … and that’s kind of scary.

  3. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    “Watch the world bleed out

    you pricked it with your murder cock

    filled Gaia’s womb with corruption

    Spew, spew, spew…poison abomination

    there but for the taint of rod, goes I”

    I’m pretty sure you thiefed this intellecutal property from a roomie I had in University. Something tells me you don’t shave your pits either.


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