I’m powerless

June 14, 2008

Not before the eyes of an unknowable god; we have an understanding.  Rather, Ottawa Hydro shut off my electricity. There were vauge claims made towards unpaid bills, hurtful words were exchanged, night descended. The nonpayment was the result of my limited conception of time, and lacking a key to my mailbox, as opposed to some financial insolvency.

My usual reminder to pay the bill comes in form of red pamphlet, hammered into my door with a railroad spike, to the effect of: “Pay yo’ bill cracka…we will cut you”. I then pay my bill. On this particular occasion they cut straight to the end game and stoneaged me without warning…a direct violation of our unspoken covenant. In protest I ate cereal, alone, in the dark…then lay down on what I hope was my bed.

Initially I was set on defiance. Man lived without power for thousands of years, I could brave it the two weeks I had left before the move. Then I saw my grossly obese cat, sweat sheathed and ungainly, pedaling the tiny bicycle she had hooked up to her heart and lung machine. I relented and paid my bill. This proved insufficient.

It turns out mere monetary compensation wasn’t enough…I needed to be humbled before the punitive might of hydro. Not only did I need to pay my bill, plus a reconnection fee, plus a 200$ unreliable jackass surtax…I also needed to wait in my apartment until a technician came, my bank receipt in my hand like a paupers writ.

Their technicians, it was explained to me, are a nomadic lot than can’t possibly estimate when they might be in my part of town. I was given (without exaggeration) a four day window of time that I was to remain in my apartment… bereft of unspoiled food, power, and the basic decency accorded timely bill payers. Eventually a friendly, if recently incarcerated, gentleman arrived. Lacking the necessary keys he jimmed his way into my apartment power room with a butter knife, pulled a switch, and laughed about how our shoddy wiring ensured a fire any day now.

I can’t help but feel partly responsible for how things went down.

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16 Responses to “I’m powerless”

  1. max Says:

    “Then I saw my grossly obese cat, sweat sheathed and ungainly, pedaling the tiny bicycle she had hooked up to her heart and lung machine. I relented and paid my bill.”

    You are such an animal lover.

    [You crack me up.]


  2. “You are such an animal lover.”

    I’m a bottomless well of feline compassion.

  3. conundrum Says:

    This move of which you speak – are you relocating to….oh, maybe New Zealand?


  4. “This move of which you speak – are you relocating to….oh, maybe New Zealand?”

    About 4 blocks down from where I live now, actually. I’m a agoraphobic nomad that wanders in tight concentric circles.

  5. sabre Says:

    you shoulda left the electricity off. maybe your cat would have lost some weight.

    ;)

  6. Rodney Says:

    Do you need a hand moving?

  7. donna mom Says:

    Consider yourself lucky you didn’t have to sign off your first born as a deposit after all they do hold all the POWER……….
    Give me a call so we can catch up.
    Cheers Mom

  8. max Says:

    Wow that is optimistic that assumes Valliant did not sign off his first born already.

  9. Pollyanna Sassmaster Says:

    …”that assumes Valliant did not sign off his first born already.”

    Gotta save something for the cable company.


  10. “Wow that is optimistic that assumes Valliant did not sign off his first born already.”

    Ricochet is far to cagey to leave his ownership papers lying around. I haven’t even seen them since he was three.

  11. baredfeetandteeth Says:

    I cant believe you actually got door-note level service up until now. You are clearly a valued customer. I’ve been phone-stalked at best.

  12. engtech Says:

    sounds remarkable like what happened with respect to the cable company.

    http://calendar.google.com


  13. “sounds remarkable like what happened with respect to the cable company.”

    Just one of those inexplicable synchronicties that you can’t read anything in to. Truely ours is a mysterious universe.

  14. Indica Says:

    I assume the electricain was right about the fire, at least some warmth was enjoyed (looking at the picture above). The other bonus about the fire being that you dont have to move much, and now have the joy of Insurance companies….they are so much more fun to play with than simple power company.
    Hope the fire was nice.

    Indica ;)

  15. Stiletto Says:

    ‘Then I saw my grossly obese cat, sweat sheathed and ungainly, pedaling the tiny bicycle she had hooked up to her heart and lung machine. I relented and paid my bill.’

    Yeah, right. You don’t have me fooled. You missed your computer.

  16. Monkey Says:

    tee-hee


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