Letter Day Fo’ Fo’ F0′: The cost of bullying

August 14, 2008

I lieu of a proper intro I present you the best thing ever: The secret life of Julia Childs

That’s right, the 6’2 queen of French Cuisine was a WWII spy and saboteur, for the precursor of the CIA. It’s enough to make me dig up her husky bones and dance a waltz beneath the moonlight. Ah, granddame, your kind will not be seen again. Let’s get down to business.

*********

Are you this random a fucker in real life?

Dave

Yep. A brief sampling

-I told my girlfriend the Stinkenheim[1] museum had been broken into last night, and some kids had vandalized her exhibit. This information had been relayed to me via a telephone I keep hidden from her at all times. When she questioned the legitimacy (and fairness) of this phone call, I suggested her doubt was politically motivated, and an attempt to undermine my bid for a curator position.

-I generally download two torrents at once, in the hope their inherent competitiveness make both go faster. When it doesn’t work I engage in grizzly boxing trainer type trash talk to whichever one is lagging (ala “you’re a bum, Rock”).

-When people resist my charm I take it as direct challenge to my worth as a person. I spent three weeks half courting a cashier at my grocery store, because she didn’t react to an off hand glib comment I made while purchasing lunch meat. I suspect she’s now planning to ask me out, so I’ve taken to shopping at night to avoid the awkward exchange I clearly precipitated.

******

Any life lesson gained from your search for employment?

Duisel,

Oxnard, CA

The big one: baby, the road to purgatory is paved with non-decisions, and it’s a long walk back. I’m not big on borrowing others words, but this is best expressed in song.

Check it: Brian Wilson

It turns out when you coast; you drift, so now I’m in process of acquiring direction…shaking down my Bohemian tendancies to sort out bad habits and old excuses. It’s humbling, but progress is being made.

******

Poppa AJ, I cannot sleep. Please provide some bedtime storyage.

Serena Bambino

The other side of town

Ok.

So there’s this Bear in the woods. Real mean fucker, with one leg twice as long as the others. I don’t know if the one leg was real long, or the other three real short ( I never met the guy), but there was a distinct lack of symmetry. Anyways, this bear (name of Tree Stump Charlie) goes around all-day just choking the hell out of whatever he can get his mismatched legs around. Fucking Owls, goats, campers, didn’t matter: if he could catch it, he’d choke it…and he’d be crying the whole time, like he had no choice in the matter. Just the ugliest thing you ever saw.

This bear, he was real depressed right, so he decides to invest all his money in these high yield savings bonds, so he can retire in a few years, and spend his time talking to school kids about the cost of bullying. Only, it turns out, those high yield savings bonds were actually a rotted old log full of bees, which stung that bear to death!

Sleep well, Serena.

*****

[1] She actually smells quite pleasant. I just have a very juvenile sense of humor

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5 Responses to “Letter Day Fo’ Fo’ F0′: The cost of bullying”

  1. Susanah Says:

    “-I told my girlfriend the Stinkenheim[1] museum had been broken into last night, and some kids had vandalized her exhibit. ”

    How do you still have a girlfriend?


  2. I date patient women and emit powerful pheromones.

  3. Pollyanna Says:

    Fucking awesome Julia!! Finally, an explanation for her endorsement of aspic — nations nauseated by meat jelly are easily exploited.


  4. She also worked designing shark repellent. She is at least 70% of the reason the Nazi’s didn’t take Europe.

  5. engtech Says:

    speaking of bohemian tendancies:

    have you called to have your phone number switched to your new phone?

    have you asked the landlord if he can link the door buzzer to your cellphone?


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