Sarah Palin: an addendum

September 29, 2008

I’m sure Scrimshaw and Boatlaunch felt great pride in their mother, but the rest of us were deeply, deeply, unsettled.

It’s not that she’s a woefully bad public speaker (which she is), it’s the open panic in her eyes when pressed: like Katie Couric has cornered her in her burrow, and Palin can’t decide whether to attack or eat her babies. She didn’t just give bad answers, she seems unable to meaningfully parse the information coming at her, beyond spitting canned responses to a few trigger words. She’s like a teddy Ruxpin doll loaded with a tape of talking points and irrelevant praise; a bewildered child manning the buttons, desperately trying to stay on message.

I’ve never had any confidence in her qualifications…but I’m starting to realize she is genuinely stupid, and dangerously unaware of that fact. People like her get frustrated and lash out when arguments go over their head. Have you ever seen an interview with Musharaf[1] or Ahmadinejad? Evil though they be, these are savvy, erudite, articulate men. The first time they throw their city learning in her face she’ll either fold or fire a barracuda chop betwixt their eyes. Other countries try and put their brighter people in power: this could become an issue.

She is five months, and a high evangelical turnout, from the vice presidency. She is a bad sunburn, or death checking his mail, away from ruling the most powerful nation in the world. I wouldn’t trust Sarah Palin to judge a glory hole contest in my neighbor’s tool shed…I certainly don’t trust her to guide a shattered economy out of the gutter, and ward off the next great depression. Call me cynical, but there are problems that a D cup and Jesus crush can’t fix.

Hillary, in retrospect, you were not that bad an option.

Ps: Fareed laying it down: VideoArticle

***

[1] I realize he is no longer the leader…but he’s the caliber of individual she will be dealing with.

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16 Responses to “Sarah Palin: an addendum”

  1. Pollyanna Says:

    Boatlaunch. Hee!

  2. Jessica Simpson Says:

    “here are problems that a D cup and Jesus crush can’t fix.”

    That’s not true!

  3. Lady Longtoe Says:

    I guess that makes John McCain the “bewildered child manning the buttons”.

  4. idealogue Says:

    I’m going to be honest, that was actually a bit too painful to watch – I only made it 1/3 in.

    Her overall responses and (apparent) inability to understand relatively straightforward politically oriented questions is nothing shy of FUCKING TERRIFYING.

  5. Rodney Dowdall Says:

    YOU LEAVE TEDDY RUXPIN OUT OF THIS!!!!…He’s a good bear damn you. A good bear….

    P.S. Matt Damon seems to agree with you. You can look for his opinion on the interwebs. Sorry, I don’t have the link handy.

  6. max Says:

    If they steal another election, do not be surprised if a small blonde takes up residence on the couch next to the cat.

  7. Warcloud Says:

    “I wouldn’t trust Sarah Palin to judge a glory hole contest in my neighbor’s tool shed”

    In all fairness the regional gloryhole championships are held in your neighbors tool shed. High stakes business.


  8. I added Fareed Zakaria video commentary…as it was a cold blooded assassination, and he is an intellectual badass.

    http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/09/29/zakaria.sarah.palin/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

  9. conundrum Says:

    I’m willing to travel all the way to Ottawa to volunteer my happy penis in the next gloryhole contest as long as the mother of Dipwick and Roadkill is not judging.

    I’m an American vigorously campaigning and fervently praying (not that I believe a busy God would be bothered answering such prayers but hedging bets) for the Obama/Biden ticket.

    I’ve realized that the GOP has a strategy of using a totally repugnant VP choice to discourage assassin’s from killing the President. It worked for Dubya since “Shoots friends in face” Cheney would be far more dreadful and McLame has chosen the Beauty-Pagent Barracuda for the same reason.

  10. Kenji Says:

    Matt Damon’s description of this whole situation as a “bad Disney movie” is so bang-on. It’s deliriously bizarre and dreadful. It’s almost so incredible that I’m darkly drawn to the idea that Palin becomes president and I get to watch the world truly and utterly crumble.

    Only this time the fantasy is so real I’m in disbelief that it can get this close. How can the people of the world’s most powerful nation let this happen? It’s stunning.

  11. engtech Says:

    If they steal another election, do not be surprised if a small blonde takes up residence on the couch next to the cat.

    You make dangerous assumptions when you assume there’s a couch.

  12. max Says:

    There is not a couch?

    Wow this is going to be pioneer spirit put to the test I guess.

  13. Jay Says:

    But her lipgloss is popping, her lipgloss is cool!

  14. BeeBot Says:

    2 things:

    1) I’m glad you’ve realised that Hillary wasn’t a bad option.

    2) The fact that you mention it is troubling and sexist. The only reason to talk about Hillary in comparison to Palin is that they are both women. But, as far as I can recall, Clinton was never being considered for Republican running mate. Is anyone comparing Joe Biden to Mitt Romney? No.


  15. “The fact that you mention it is troubling and sexist. The only reason to talk about Hillary in comparison to Palin is that they are both women”

    No…when I made this comment it was troubling and sexist:

    “A hard truth : if you can’t keep your man loyal, then you can’t keep your country loyal. I’m not blaming the victim here, Bill did what he did because he is a shameless dog. But what happens when her shrill and plastic ways start alienating the Nation? Maybe the country starts looking around for a world leader that doesn’t make them feel so harassed…makes them feel like the man they were back in high school….then BAM: Islamic Theocratic revolt hits halfway through her first term. That is not speculation people…that is FACT!”

    Comparing her and Palin was just intellectually lazy.


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