Bum-bum hair. (A dispiriting true story)

August 4, 2009

On my way home from the gym I stopped at a street light beside a father and his daughter. The father ignored me. The little girl[1], however, locked eyes with me, stared for a few seconds, then raised an accusing finger.

“You have bum-bum hair” she said.

Admittedly I had just finished at the gym so I wasn’t finely coiffed, but not to the point it should elicit cruel personal attacks from preschoolers.

“Pardon me” I asked, thinking maybe I’d misheard her.

She turned, tightened up her mean little face, and repeated.

“You have bum-bum hair”.

Then she stuck her tongue out at me like I was the one giving her the business! At this point the light was close to changing but I needed clarification: was bum-bum hair just a general indictment? Did she dislike the style? The color? The curl? Or had my pants just been riding low and she’d managed to catch a glimpse of my amply furred buttocks? Only I was pretty sure I had been walking behind them.

“Are you talking about my ass?” I said, pulling the back of my pants down a little to illustrate the hair in question.

At this point the little girl became non-communicative. Her father, who was still ignoring me, also decided suddenly he needed to walk on the other side of the street. I felt the need to make my case.

“Your kid said I have Bum-bum hair…that is rude and vague, sir!” I shouted after him.

No answer. I decide my only recourse was to respond in kind.

“Hey kid, you got crooked feet and your shoes are ugly”.

To her credit she did not respond, but I did see her try and straighten out her walk a little.

I think I’m going to get my hair cut tomorrow.

[1] I figure she was about four or five years of age.


5 Responses to “Bum-bum hair. (A dispiriting true story)”

  1. Justin Says:

    Very nicely played sir. I think you should have thrown a rock or bottle or something…at the dad. What a dick!

  2. Pollyanna Says:

    I think I’m going to get my hair cut tomorrow.

    Your head hair or bum-bum hair?

  3. “Very nicely played sir.”

    Kind words…but I fear she may have gotten the best of me. This time!

  4. “Your head hair or bum-bum hair?”


  5. Pollyanna Says:

    Hey I think I ran into that little girl’s grandmother on my way to work today. She was standing outside Tim Hortons leaning on her cane as I passed by. She pointed at me/my coffee cup/shirt/boobs, smiled/ leered, and exclaimed/spat “Now that’s class!” Then she laughed with delight or cackled sarcastically.

    I remain perplexed.

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