The War at Home

August 19, 2009

There is a certain cat to person ratio where they cease being an adjunct to human life and begin puttying their own tiles into the domestic mosaic. And not just dictating the agenda, but shaping the culture.  My lady friend is currently on sabbatical in the wilds of Delaware, leaving our home and catfolk in my capable (?) hands. For those keeping score at home that is three and one half cats-to-one disheveled and malnourished A.J. The tide turned quickly.

It has been three days since Sally left and the language spoken in our home is no longer person. At best it’s a loose pidgin of English, Cat Chinese, Clownspeak, crazed baby talk, and various feline noises. There are daily races down the stairs, invisible moth hunts, and gang naps at questionable times of day. I find myself trapped in odd staring contests with unspecified but forbidding stakes.It’s gotten so bad I need to take three Xanax before cleaning to deal with my crippling fear of vacuum cleaners.

This morning Felica meowed and meowed until I turned the downstairs stereo to the CBC. She then sat in front of it until a story about the decline of agribusiness finished, glared at me to suggest the policies were somehow my fault, and refused to eat until I picked the baby tomatoes from our garden. Rarely have I felt so defeated.

Seven days to go and I feel madness around the edges. Pray for me.

THE ENEMY

The renowned Felicia

The Rotund Sweetie

The Elusive Scooter

Our Dear Friend Stephen

*The above picture is the aforementioned half a cat: our three toothed diabetic neighbor and dear friend, Stephen. He’s doesn’t live with us, but his frequent visits are cause for great celebration.

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6 Responses to “The War at Home”

  1. donna Says:

    Hey AJ

    Man vs Beast we all know who wins
    Miss you Tons

  2. Mike Says:

    I could lend you my pup, but his fear and confusion of the feline race may not be of much help.

  3. max Says:

    I’ve got a C note on the cats.

  4. sally Says:

    We miss you Stephen!

  5. Ira Says:

    Is Stephen a 3-legged cat?

  6. AJ Valliant Says:

    “Is Stephen a 3-legged cat?”

    Stephen was 3 legged cat only in the sense of opportunity cost: his diabetes made his road tougher than most. Sadly he recently passed on…so I can only assume he’s running about in cat heaven with six legs and a mane of fire!


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