September 6, 2010
I watched this thing on ADD. It’s long, and irrelevant for most, but it shook me.
There is this resistance to being given a determinist explanation for such an essential part of my nature; to have a material cause for being in a sustained transient state; to go from ephemerally detached to simply broken.
There is a protection in the damage that unravels as you repair it. There was this haze that left moments separate and weightless; that uncoupled failure from consequence and lent just enough buoyancy to drift. As that haze dispels a sense of weight and connection has sunk in, and I begin to realize I’ve spent my life crawling. It is, I can only assume, what responsibility feels like to other people.