My head

This my head, know that it watches you always but does not judge.

In lieu of rambling biographical discourse I have decided to put up an FAQ.

Q- So is your name really AJ Valliant? That sounds fake as hell.

A- It is and it does. If I had a drivers licence I would scan and post the picture.

Q- Hey you seem pretty bright, how come your punctuation sucks so bad?

A- Never really picked up the knack I suppose.

Q- Where do you live? Can I come over?

A- In Ottawa on the corner of Albert and Bay, in a big red stone apartment building.

I’m sorry, but no.

Q- Why do you use so many flowery adverbs and adjectives. Your writing would be a lot better if you were more concise and plain spoken.

A- I am in love the sound of my own voice and I see a blog as a written monologue to a captive audience. Also I get a degree of sexual pleasure every time I add needless colour to a sentence.

Q- So does the stuff you talk about actual happen?

A- Are you calling me a liar?

Q-Hey are you 30? I bet your at least 30 years old.

A- Yeah I just turned 30 this June.

Q- Seriously, you are 30 and you don’t have your drivers licence. Are you retarded or something?

A- That was hurtful. Damnit.

Q- I’m so cold and I can’t stop crying, why can’t I come out of the root cellar?

A- Looks like someone just lost their computer privileges


8 Responses to “The Nefarious Mr. Valliant”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Hey A.J., this is pretty funny stuff. Glad to see you are still using your creativity for better uses other than work. Keep up the great wit.

    Barry King

  2. max Says:

    I miss the wedding photo.

  3. […] unless I marry Valliant. If I marry Valliant I have to change my name and that would complicate but Valliant is in EASTERN […]

  4. Andfre Says:

    Well I had prejudged you and subsequently written you off as being highly pretentious “and not in a good way”, but I must admit your FAQ was not too bad. You may be a good self-depreciating Canadian after all, regardless, or rather in spite of the lack of knowledge you may have of your neighbours and fellow taxpayers to the West. Wait a minute, was that comma supposed to go inside the quotations!?

  5. “Well I had prejudged you and subsequently written you off as being highly pretentious ”

    Good lord no….. I’ve actually injured myself because I was trying to ride my cat around like a miniature horse, and smashed my face off the wall when she took a corner too fast.

    I got into a Leggo arms race with several of my friends in the middle of cocktail party…and tried to bring down my friend Chris elaborately built genocide doomsday stations with a moneky ridden duo cycle I had drunkenly cobbled together.

    I have many, many, personality flaws…pretension is not one of them.

  6. Andfre Says:

    Just goes to show you that it’s easy to prejudge someone based on seeing one thing, but then you may [if you’re lucky] discover that they were unlike your assumption after all. Just like Sandro DeAngelis. No wait, that guy’s still a dick. You seem all right though.

  7. max Says:

    Yes the comma was supposed to go inside the quote marks you god damned — oh wait, I am prejudging. Never mind.

  8. Andfre Says:

    Oh max, you got me again…

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